readying up

5days

5 days before NS... I have to pack up my things. And even sleep earlier. So that i can cope with the timing over there. Hmm... Tomorrow I have to sleep bout 11pm..And 10pm and 9pm...most probably 9.30pm. can't sleep with that "thing" crawling around my bed...p/s: thing = didi... Other than that, let me see what to bring there...

• toothbrush/toothpaste
• body/hair shampoo
• 3 T-shirt
• 2 3-quater pants
• 2 CHKL shorts
• 3 pair of undies(i dun have to say aloud - -')
• cleanser/ sun block
• 1 small book..as diary..what do you expect when i can't blog..==
• 1 pencil box
• phone/charger...although they don't allow..but i rather put it with them..later my mum...can see all my msg..=-=
• 1 pair flip-flops
• 1 normal pair of shoes/sandals
• o yah...bread..as in "bread"...
• maybe a book...to read/study during free time.
• 1 picture of that "thing"..lolx

Even i tell you, it won't change anything.
you can't help me.
And both you 2...
...and I
will feel that I myself am selfish.
Selfish me but sensitive
I hate myself as well
so I remain silent.
16days more...

I don't know why I'll cry.
Or even worse,
when i think bout these problems

By doing this, I dunno what will be next...
Am i asking for attention?

Replacable

I can't stand myself.Jealousy was not my part but every time i see her with them everything like so different i'm invisible nobody cares nobody knows the tears flowing inside my heart i try not to be but i cant i felt like replaced by someone else more stuff to say more things to talk finding out that i'm actually not important it hurts it really do why nobody knows? Please don't. I felt hurt. very very hurt. By actions by words. I felt like wanna lose these friends. feelings are feelings. I cant deny it. I rather never to talk to you both anymore. These feelings are really killing me. I feel sad i feel uncomfortable, i feel replaced. god damn it!!! please don't force me...............

Genting~ 5/12

Came back from Genting for quite awhile now, but i don't have the time to write bout it~ lolx~ Coz my grandpa admitted into hospital again. Hope he's ok...

I'm quite fun with the genting holidays. Even though my feet were pain and needed 2 days to fully recover. I have no idea when was the last time I stepped into the outdoor theme park. Way before I was in primary school i guess. Finally i can step inside again!! I first time sat the Space shot. Which was aka Terror Tower. The thing my parents played but not me when we're in Australia. Anyways, It was quite an experience. The chair we sat on move up slowly at first, stops at the highest location of the tower for some time and drop like SHIT! onto the ground. = =~

There's just too many things to say bout, but i really dunno how to spit it out now. I kinda lose track of my memories. Everything just going too fast in my head. OK, let's sort it out:

• Josie didn't sit the bus to Genting skyway station as she was late
• Theme park was such a fun, so many rides we sat. Roller coasters, Boating, photographing. Not to mention saw Jun Yong and some other CHKL's students but we dunno what's they're name
• Mun saw a leng zai. And that leng zai seemed like kept following us. Like seeing him whenever we go. Even the next day when we're on our way taking the bus.
  
• The clowns are cute and very naughty as well. haha. we met 2 tall clowns, 1 girl clown, 1 mine-dunno-what-to-call (doesn't laugh), and 1 normal clown. = ='
  
• Saw a fella dressed up so damn yeng! It's like XDO came alive. Haiz. So wish can take a photo of him~
  
• We became bunch of freaks when we're taking photos by jumping Nth times.

That's like overall bout it. I love it~ Haha...
but my dad made it awkward when he said that I'm more enjoyed bout going out with friends than with my mum. That's so not true! I enjoyed when I'm with my mum too. It's just a different type of enjoyment. With friends, it's adventurous. With mum, it's calm and quiet with fresh breezes of the cool air. I'm not complaining. I love them both as much as i can.

I'm Not I'm sososososososooooo NOT!

I dunno how to start this.
But that's like ridiculous for that to happen!
Never never!!!!
I just felt uncomfortable, not jealousy... Please not jealousy..
I'm not.
I can't as well!!!
No way that's ever gonna happen!!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!
What a ridiculous thing to ever think bout it!!
Just uncomfortable!! yea! uncomfortable!
not that kinda of feelings!
NONONONONO!!
NEVER NEVER NEVER!