I used to hate looking into the mirror. Hated to look at my image. Felt like wanna avoid and take a detour which didn't need to pass by it. I hated my eyes. They're slanting by the sides...looked like a sleepy girl just woke up but in reality she woke up a long time ago. I hated my hair. I hated my curls. They twisted and turned until I look like a freak on the road. That's 1 of the reason I tied my hair up every time I walk the street. I bet everyone will look at this freak with this freaking hair. And I'll be embarassed like a rat! Then, i hated my face! Why is it so broad?! And my teeth. Darn! Shouldn't take off that retainers...although it smells suck!
But today, I learn to love myself. Why? Because.....I watched a motivation programme CD. And it said, you must love yourself before other ppl will love you. It's true. In reality, maybe we won't know, or realize, that actually we rely on our partners to feel that yourself is being pampered, being loved, being taken care of - Being the most special person. To feel we're special, we rely on the third party. And in fact, it should be oneself - your own self - to make you feel special in your own way. Then, someone is able to love the special you. and not vice versa.
So, after that day on, I feel the brand new me again. I start to love looking at myself more and more everyday. I love my eyes, which is big and bright. I love my curls, where other girls just possess straight dull hair. I love my face, as well as my teeth. They're not that bad after all. Instead of complaining, I show my gratitude over them. My personality, my looks, my likes, my dislikes. I am proud. Because i'm unusual in my way although common. I'm no celebrity. Not any experts. But I am ME. This fact will never change forever.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Strange dream
I had the craziest dream of my life. Perhaps I've been watching too much Jigoku Shoujo animations.
It goes like this. In this world, it seems that everyone works very hard to live. One day, a few wooden plank drop down from sky and several people took them. But that's not something good. In my family, mysteriously, my didi became my father =.=' ok, it's strange enough. And there was a lady i don't know who which was living with us. Both were one of those several people that obtained that wooden planks. They believe that if you write your names on the planks, you will sent to heaven. However they wrote their names without me and my mummy knowing.
Several days passed, on this particular day, some beautiful ferries just look so alike in those merry-go-rounds appear in the middle of the town. Those who were working knew today what day is it. Somehow, these ferries were transported home. There was 1 as well in my house. My didi and that unknown lady sat in the ferry. And the ferry started it's journey. It floats and went up the stairs. When approaching the walls, hands just like dug through walls and were "welcoming" them. I heard the lady said, "this must be a mistake!"I was there somehow, And I manage to grab my didi.. But he was fully exhausted already...almost bringing him to death. I paniced. I call to my mum, but she doesn't seem to care even though I said "it's true! He's going to die!" My mum wasn't listening. It's me alone. I dreadfully brought my didi (father) to the kitchen. I was so panic. I just don't know what to do now. I just let him go. Hell certainly won't have any water to drink. So, I quickly hand-fed him with water. My didi was going to close his eyes.... the sink was then full with washing liquid diluted with water. mum must have just wash the dishes. I was so barbaric...I drown my didi into the liquid-water. He willingly took a few mouthful of it. I withdawned him out again. He really seems tired.. I told him, with his red face and about-to-close-eyes, "Just want you to know, I love you very much..very very much, you know?" he nodded restlessly. and I continued, "And you're the youngest father anyone could had." (just ignore it ==') I carried him like a koala. The koala hug style. The hug that makes my didi sleeps. I carry him like old times. I sat on the sofa on the living room. I close my eyes while feeling the restless body resting in my arms. I just couldn't imagine it, I couldn't believe it as well. This is farewell..
The next thing I saw when I opened my eyes, were tears. But this dream has ended. It's finally the end. The end of a horrible dream... My eyes were wet and my heart was pounding hard. Truthly, this is the first sad dream that has occured to me. Until tears drop as well. The first thing I wanna do after this dream is to hear his voice...
All I want to say is, having short breaks may gave some reliefs, but when you lose something for good, that time, there's only limited memories. Don't take anything for granted in life. Always show your gratitude toward others. Be grateful.
It goes like this. In this world, it seems that everyone works very hard to live. One day, a few wooden plank drop down from sky and several people took them. But that's not something good. In my family, mysteriously, my didi became my father =.=' ok, it's strange enough. And there was a lady i don't know who which was living with us. Both were one of those several people that obtained that wooden planks. They believe that if you write your names on the planks, you will sent to heaven. However they wrote their names without me and my mummy knowing.
Several days passed, on this particular day, some beautiful ferries just look so alike in those merry-go-rounds appear in the middle of the town. Those who were working knew today what day is it. Somehow, these ferries were transported home. There was 1 as well in my house. My didi and that unknown lady sat in the ferry. And the ferry started it's journey. It floats and went up the stairs. When approaching the walls, hands just like dug through walls and were "welcoming" them. I heard the lady said, "this must be a mistake!"I was there somehow, And I manage to grab my didi.. But he was fully exhausted already...almost bringing him to death. I paniced. I call to my mum, but she doesn't seem to care even though I said "it's true! He's going to die!" My mum wasn't listening. It's me alone. I dreadfully brought my didi (father) to the kitchen. I was so panic. I just don't know what to do now. I just let him go. Hell certainly won't have any water to drink. So, I quickly hand-fed him with water. My didi was going to close his eyes.... the sink was then full with washing liquid diluted with water. mum must have just wash the dishes. I was so barbaric...I drown my didi into the liquid-water. He willingly took a few mouthful of it. I withdawned him out again. He really seems tired.. I told him, with his red face and about-to-close-eyes, "Just want you to know, I love you very much..very very much, you know?" he nodded restlessly. and I continued, "And you're the youngest father anyone could had." (just ignore it ==') I carried him like a koala. The koala hug style. The hug that makes my didi sleeps. I carry him like old times. I sat on the sofa on the living room. I close my eyes while feeling the restless body resting in my arms. I just couldn't imagine it, I couldn't believe it as well. This is farewell..
The next thing I saw when I opened my eyes, were tears. But this dream has ended. It's finally the end. The end of a horrible dream... My eyes were wet and my heart was pounding hard. Truthly, this is the first sad dream that has occured to me. Until tears drop as well. The first thing I wanna do after this dream is to hear his voice...
All I want to say is, having short breaks may gave some reliefs, but when you lose something for good, that time, there's only limited memories. Don't take anything for granted in life. Always show your gratitude toward others. Be grateful.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Annoyed...
So I'm all alone in the house. And I'm very very very annoyed by this freaking Anwar!!!! Can somebody ask him to stop messaging me? I mean, we're from different channel. I just can't change my channel - my language. How does he can expect me to sms in Malay? I'm sorry. But I'm just not having fun chatting like that. 1 more thing. Please stop miss calling me midnight? haiz... no.1 It so rude that he misscall like that. no.2 My mum's starting to suspect me of having a boyfriend since got once she answered his line. And I'll be in deep trouble. no.3 He's not the one i'm waiting for to misscall me or sms me. If "he" does do that, I won't mind letting him disturb me =D~ But anyways~ It's just a false dream~
Sunday, April 5, 2009
A typical Love Story あいしてる～ねがいよ
It started when I first entered class. It didn't bring me any notice for him. I came across feelings for the other guy. But, I was in the same group with him before... I didn't know anything unusual.. I remember at the very end of the class, he made me laugh...well, as well as the whole class.. I can still remember that moment. He sweats me out! That was the end of the first class... But as soon as I knew it, darn! We're in the same class AGAIN!
Second class started almost the last week of National Service. Why? Why on earth it's both two again?? There's 3 guys from the same class before. And 2 of them which....frust me out here! The guy i had a crush on and a guy that had a crush on me! haha... Guess which "he" i'm referring here. ...The latter "he"... I didn't notice him before that, that's for sure. Come to think bout it, it started when I told the class that I don't have a boyfren. That's when it started. He came across diff stuff the catch my attention. He keeps looking at me, I just panic look away. He "jokingly" gave me things and say things....which is hard for me to describe =.='... he asked me to miss call him 1 day. So I did, when I took back my phone. when this class ends, he walked me all the way to that junction. We may not speak again. But it proves wrong.. I took the insitaive to message him....but.
...But even then, there's doubts.. I mean, no.1 why he's so shy when he's with me only? In front of his friends, he can be so open, he can give me things, he can talk things to me...but with me, he keeps them to himself. I don't understand either. no.2 I was the one who's taking insiative. I was the first to pick up the phone and message him when something stupid topic came across my mind or what.. maybe he's playing expensive..? for some times, I felt that... Am I interrupting him? Am I a frustration to him? Am I disturbing his life? Well, it's still a doubt.. but one day, he was like so angry so frust at something or maybe even me when i spoke to him. I was.. scared... we didn't spoke after that for about 2 weeks. And later 1 day he spoke to me 1 midnight. But I was scared. I don't want him to hate me. I cut off the conversation after a short while. We chould cool off awhile. Weeks have been passed. just like that. just like that.. probably he has some work to do... I seldom see him on again.
But i really wish things would work out between us. It's the first time I felt like this. Or maybe it's just a sweet dream? Or just a 3-month contract. I don't know. I don't wanna know if it's like that...
Second class started almost the last week of National Service. Why? Why on earth it's both two again?? There's 3 guys from the same class before. And 2 of them which....frust me out here! The guy i had a crush on and a guy that had a crush on me! haha... Guess which "he" i'm referring here. ...The latter "he"... I didn't notice him before that, that's for sure. Come to think bout it, it started when I told the class that I don't have a boyfren. That's when it started. He came across diff stuff the catch my attention. He keeps looking at me, I just panic look away. He "jokingly" gave me things and say things....which is hard for me to describe =.='... he asked me to miss call him 1 day. So I did, when I took back my phone. when this class ends, he walked me all the way to that junction. We may not speak again. But it proves wrong.. I took the insitaive to message him....but.
...But even then, there's doubts.. I mean, no.1 why he's so shy when he's with me only? In front of his friends, he can be so open, he can give me things, he can talk things to me...but with me, he keeps them to himself. I don't understand either. no.2 I was the one who's taking insiative. I was the first to pick up the phone and message him when something stupid topic came across my mind or what.. maybe he's playing expensive..? for some times, I felt that... Am I interrupting him? Am I a frustration to him? Am I disturbing his life? Well, it's still a doubt.. but one day, he was like so angry so frust at something or maybe even me when i spoke to him. I was.. scared... we didn't spoke after that for about 2 weeks. And later 1 day he spoke to me 1 midnight. But I was scared. I don't want him to hate me. I cut off the conversation after a short while. We chould cool off awhile. Weeks have been passed. just like that. just like that.. probably he has some work to do... I seldom see him on again.
But i really wish things would work out between us. It's the first time I felt like this. Or maybe it's just a sweet dream? Or just a 3-month contract. I don't know. I don't wanna know if it's like that...
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