JQin's Diary

frenship lasts forever (even if it doesn't, at least it will last for another year)

2009-11-19T20:49:00.003+08:00

so there's 2 group in our class. gangs more preferred, but we don't mind. we still all live in harmonious life. the thing is i might be having feelings for this guy which is already unavailable. he is in my class. truth is. i never want to confess to anybody, including myself. because once i accept the reality (then tell my friends about it), i will be getting all over him, including making a shame out of myself. Humiliation. And...well, friendship still lasts the longest, right? In the mean time, he's taken, and i'm merely a passerby in his life. it shouldn't be making any significance in his/my life. I should however accept the fact that he's just a friend and that is all. =)

Media

2009-10-08T16:30:00.004+08:00

The media, the communication tool, has transmitted news-both globally and locally- to mostly every households all around the world. It remains crucial in every day's life for newspapers always back us up on the latest news or gossips all around the world. While the media is thriving in it's industry, some claimed that it is somehow being misused and this raises concerns from certain parties, varying from parents and educationist to politicians and to celebrities, which portrays the disadvantages of the mass media in a society, in a country and also to the globe.

Almost 99% households in the US states own at least a television set(TV). With the increasing chances of exposure of TV to children at home, it is believed that the media present a threat to them as parents claimed that the media depiction of aggressive acts is potential enough to indoctrinate the younger generation's mind, especially adolescents, where they can't tell whether the make-belief movies are reality or just a virtual world. In contrary, media violence is one of the most debated issue worldwide and it is often brought up in elections. In the case of life imitating art, 2 teenagers went on a murder spree based on Oliver Stone's movie "Natural Born Killer". Since then, parents concern about the cartoon violence, verbal aggression and the aggressive acts displayed on TV. In the 1970s, Hollywood were given a pushed to institute a rating system in order for parents to decide the suitability of the movies for their children. Although it has proved effective, the potential threat still remains as parental supervision is always limited.

With the aid of the press and the media, politician's image are posed to be tarnished by opposition leaders. It can be started out with personal interest, or for the power, when one's is die-hard to attack some other politicians, attempts can be made by just through media. With the huge sum of money "prized" to an unethical journalist, one can simply spoil the others' image. This circulation of libels in newspapers caused citizens unable to determined which are the "good" guys and which are the "bad" guys. Worst of all, they ended up supporting the wrong leader and suffer through their lives! As a result, most people do not accept whatever that was written or reported in the news for it could be bias itself. For instance, Maharashta PWD Minister Chaggan Bhujbai in Mumbai said that the reportedly "vilification campaign" against him for his alleged connection to the multi-croke fake stamp paper scam was an attempt to damage his political career, as well as to tarnish his and his family's image.

This is just an essay and it does not support/ruin any parties mentioned above.

~The miracle life with the colours of Mu$ic~

2009-07-22T14:49:00.002+08:00

How will anyone live without music?

I'm so happy and i appreciate the inventors of a good music~ Music either be sung, written, or being danced, relieves just what a difficult frustrating life someone or anyone would have.

Lately, I been listening to music from many countries. My most lovable songs of all times, POP~ Yupz, thanks to the contribution of MJ in the pop music industry, although I don't really listen to his songs. Probably every1 would heard of JK POP. Those who never encounter this words before, it stands for Japanese and Korean Pop, aka Japanese and Korean songs which adapted the western style in music.

In Korean, Rain, Super Junior and most importantly, TVXQ/DBSK/Tohoshinki are famous. And I love them. TVXQ has too much to say about, I don't think i'll be able to finish them here~ Rain's songs, I know they're great, but i seldom exposed to his songs on TV or radio. So, Super Junior. The first time I watch their MV, it's like... wow~ so many dancers, which 1 are from the band? hah~ I can't help hitting myself when I don't even know......SJ has so many members, thanks to my fren, I knew that there's 13 ppl in this group. At first, I thought it's impossible for 13 people to form a group. Why? it's because...
1. More people lead to more arguments - group breaks up easily.
2. More people means, the public won't remember the member's face/name. well, it's a common thing for me to forget~ maybe it's just my problem~ haha~

But i have to say, more people brings more style to a dance video. The choerogragphy....1 word to mention all - fabulous~! Although the group is big, SJ never fails to bring good music and good dance moves to the whole world, particularly the Asians. The choreography never goes wrong/messy but instead, with style. I have to give a big hand of applause to the choreographer. Thanks to my That friend again, I knew that talented human being from my very own CHKL made a video of their own. with the beatbox and singing and dancing of SJ's "sorry sorry". i was watching, and It's good! love it too~

In Japan, wow, there's alot!!! TVXQ, Yuna Ito, Chemistry, Utada, Sexy-guy Gackt, Arashi, Ayumi, Kat-tun, Amuro namie, Aoyama Thelma, w-inds, SMAP, Jyongri and Yui...so many more are my favourites. Well, to tell the truth, the language made me knew them. And they make me know Japanese language more~~ Yuna Ito, strong powerful vocal with beautiful looks. She's my no.1! Her songs are always very real and touching, with like a touch of her very own experience, never once her songs fail me. Love her. Boy bands, w-inds, a simple 3-people-band, with vocals of different voice, sometimes i thought this isn't w-inds song because it doesn't sound like the others, but the truth is it is their songs~ Arashi, now caught my attention. Formerly thought as OLD(their songs sounded old...but not now) now gave me a new impression as songs starting to catch up. With catchy beats and cool dance moves, I have to give two thumbs up!

unexpected talk...?

2009-06-25T09:49:00.003+08:00

1 week has passed...

morning.....I walked to the DK following the normal route...I saw that same walking style, the same hairstyle...just the fashion he was holding not like him...= = And i saw HIM again~ lol.. Bet this time i cant run. If i do, I will feel and look super super stupid...haha..We cant avoid this conversation. Not this. Finally, an official meeting up...but unexpected.. I wonder i should go there today? To make up the last "library-meet" = =... saying i wasn't sure that it was him...? or wat? Aiyo~~~~~ lolx

Unexpected meet up?

2009-06-25T09:33:00.003+08:00

Today, the day again. LOLx

Actually, I can choose to meet him now.. at the library. But... I'm so freaking scared. lolx.

the story happened last week at i think bout now......

MH went to meet his gf and i'm alone online. I was thinking that maybe I online another 30mins then go to canteen 2 take my lunch and go to the library. Right after I ate my lunch, i went there as planned. To my happy = = and heart attack dismay, I saw him outside the library, looking into his bag. Most probably finding his college card. When i saw him. my heart beat becomes frequent and......bok bok bok tiu. LOLx... I entered into the library as fast as i can. I cant bear him saw me passed by. = = I chose a place to sit down. A few minutes, this guy with 2 more other his friends bump in. He look around and see if there's any space for them. he didn't see me or maybe he saw...but didn't regconize me.. or maybe he saw and he recognized me but didn't dare to talk...? QUESTION MARKS!! "????????????"

<......1 hour later......>

I bring PZ and JH to the library. to show them "him". well. i was finding him everywhere. Nope. He's nowhere in sight........phew i think. so PZ and I went to the book shelf to check on the books. Our library is somehow like floors by floors in a big building. In the center of the whole building, there's like holes that u can look below. Just like in shopping centers...but of coz la..smaller = =...
I saw HIM...below the next floor. I saw HIM!! I quickly hid myself.... I hide behind the book shelf = =... really......stuupid...!! He saw me... He glanced at me...I saw HIM!! and HE saw me = =... ok.. i should really stop emphasising on that. lol....And I left....=( But i was too embrassed for hiding myself... sweat...

But the story doesn't end here...

2009-06-18T09:51:00.002+08:00

So it comes to the day where spare time is being wasted~ but actually, i got things to do la. just lazy to do yet. got 1 more hour or maybe 2 more hours to complete. so boring~ Quite some time in tarc. I like the scenery but not those stupid blood-sucking things fly here fly thr. then stick on ppl's leg and chut chut ppl's blood. sien die lu~!

In tarc rite, i found ppl who are really.........how to say? like to boast bout their english. When the lecturers speak alittle un normal words in different pronounciation, they're like so zhuai so chuan. after seeing this i also... haiyo....= =~ cannot blame ppl for talking like tat wert. In tarc, i'm starting to be lazy. this is call, normal psycology.= = everyone goes through tat. yesterday, I even fell sick and took an early leave but then come back again later. = =(for pratical) then broke a pipette. I don't know how much that cost..but lecturer say it's quite cheap...just the procedure's very...fan...ok la.. i think that's all. I need to submit my leave form and eat my lunch.. although it's just 10am...= =~

2009-05-27T09:42:00.002+08:00

I had to start another new post. I can't help remembering bout the past.

1 day, sue and I were in Dewan Makan. The food is always the same same type of boring taste la. but I talked with her there. and the rain's pouring. I wonder how many buckets of tears shed on my face in the camp. mostly when i'm telling my feelings to her. We talked bout generally everything. Schools, anything happened in camp,health problems, friends, families and of coz, boys! XD~ literally everything. I remembered that time when we finished eating and dunno why this bunch of boys come and sing, dui mian de nv hai kan guo lai. I was so O.O!! sweat.. so paiseh... dunno them fa wat shen jing. literally, speecless. = = Then after taht, we shared the same umbrella and walk back to dorm. remember what we saw on the way home when the lightning's fight? well, I still don't know what is that. but it's not something unscary. haha. The drawing u drew.... is.....gone T.T!! shouldn't have washed it...

And huei ling. now she's doing cosmetics. aiyo u learn wat la, skin so white, even under the sun, only become red, won't become dark. so jealous luu. Anyways, her.... is here studying dunno wat computer-damn-long-name-programme. haha.. better u come here laa =D

Start school~

2009-05-27T09:24:00.004+08:00

Starting in college is quite fun. especially when you knew friends during school/ in NS camp. But, now....i'm just at CITC killing time coz....my class's being cancelled and i had 2 hours break even before that. sweat. just no idea why i come here so early for just 1 class. i might as well skip it! =P *p/s: it's just a joke. i will never skip any of them...so scared scholarship boil soup...T.T

I saw him yesterday but he didn't see me. I dunno but maybe i should call it lucky. lolx. His approach made me remember bout frens in camp. Sue Finn.. aiyoooooo so miss you laaa... my 1st bff. It made me think of meeting her during this 2-weeks holidays.

Aiyoooo, those who were supposed to wake up and on msn please wake up and on msn larx! almost 10am jor still dunwan to wake up..= = sleep wat sleep la. faster online and pei me chat ma. lou dao arrr...so long din talk to u d... when i'm busy, bet u'll be free. when i'm free, u don't online...= =

Mixed Feelings..

2009-05-08T10:53:00.002+08:00

Today is the day I am waiting for all these while. But I'm not sure what I really want. Today, I will get the results of my JPA PILN scholarship... Whether my application is accepted or not, all will be know at 3pm. However, I really don't know which I should i support.

I wish to get it, so that I can travel to other country. Of coz, the scholarship is free as well. So, everything would be easier for my family.

I don't wish to get it, cause, TARC, the college i'm going soon, are full with my friends. they're going on 11 May for A level/ 18 may for diploma. On the other hand, my mother will surely miss me.

But anyways, I think, there's no slot for me. It's quite hard to get this scholarship. just follow my destiny, my fate...

Unfair? Just live up to it if ur a citizen of this world...

2009-05-06T00:23:00.002+08:00

It's unfair. We all know it's unfair, arising from races and religions.

That day, when i got that result, that's the day, i felt the unfairness here. When I was younger, I always thought races could live up to each other peacefully and harmoniously, And of course, treat us as 1 person, that is the citizens of this country. But, in reality, they sided 1 race, the favored them more than the other races.

What's the reason behind it? 2 person with different race, but the privilege is given to the less qualified other than the other one just because of racism? I can't see any reason behind it. Even the history doesn't covers this "privilege", so don't tell me that I didn't study History of my own country. But this is too much! As if they were trying to erase us off the map. But remember, in history, freedom were gained with the help of the all the three races, and not just one. Why is it so unfair? Anyways, there's 2 choice to be made.

Leave this country anyways. It's not about patriotism towards the country. but the politics are giving hecks to the citizens. Just learn those who went to Taiwan or other countries without having the need to bother coming back here. If I were that rich enough, I will follow artist such as Nicholas and leave here.
So, if your pocket is broken, just close 1 of your eyes and live up like 'ya blind to see anything important.

It's unfair, And heck knows everyone knows it's unfair. Politicians for their own races disgrace themselves. I wonder if they ever had knew what other people other than their race feels.

Anime's freak~

2009-05-04T18:27:00.003+08:00

I've been up late for animes too much lately. My mum and my sis of coz my dad all thinks that i've gone nuts! To watch all theese "stupid" show... = =. But I think it's a good way to learn japanese, aside from JPOP songs. So, lately, i'm watching and had watched...

Jigoku Shoujo season 1 & 2. This was the show that made me started watching anime. Call the hell girl through hotline to hell during midnight~ scary eh~
Black Jack only season 2. A story bout a amazing doctor. Just ok. not that crazy over it.
Big Windup! The baseball game anime. Well, at least i learn a little bout baseball too. coz, seriously, I have no idea what is baseball. = =~ Not much outcome after watching as well~ but better than none =p~
The Law of Ueki.. One of my favourite-must-watch-anime! Never want to miss any episode. Although it's quite old already = =~
Chronicles of the Wings season 2. Unable to watch season 1. But it's my favourite as well.. In this anime, I like the character Kurogane. He's the man in "black" as he wears a black suit from head to toe. He's so cool and also quite quiet compared to Fay and Mokona. That's what make me like him !! In spite of his bad tempered, he's always helping much to the leading character, Syaoran and Sakura. Too bad, that's the end of Chronicles of the Wings, or Tsubasa reservoir chronicle ( in Japanese)
Shonen Onmyouji. Still catching the episode. Nice to watch too. I like the cute cute Mokun/Guren.
Fate/Stay Night. The fight of magicians in Holy Grail, with the help of servants. Still watching.~
Dear Boys. An anime for basketball.
Samurai X. Just started watching.
Ranma 1/2. Children's show. Watching it to kill some time.
La Cordo D'Oro Prima Passo. I was caught by the handsome characters only....= =~

It's quite hard listening to japanese audio with the malay subtitle. Seriously, It's like I have to open my ears wide up as well as my eyes. But, no hard work, no effects gain. This is one of the technique to learn a language/dialect. My cantonese is learnt by soap operas on Wah Lai Toi~ It helped me alot =)

A New Perspective

2009-04-15T15:50:00.002+08:00

I used to hate looking into the mirror. Hated to look at my image. Felt like wanna avoid and take a detour which didn't need to pass by it. I hated my eyes. They're slanting by the sides...looked like a sleepy girl just woke up but in reality she woke up a long time ago. I hated my hair. I hated my curls. They twisted and turned until I look like a freak on the road. That's 1 of the reason I tied my hair up every time I walk the street. I bet everyone will look at this freak with this freaking hair. And I'll be embarassed like a rat! Then, i hated my face! Why is it so broad?! And my teeth. Darn! Shouldn't take off that retainers...although it smells suck!

But today, I learn to love myself. Why? Because.....I watched a motivation programme CD. And it said, you must love yourself before other ppl will love you. It's true. In reality, maybe we won't know, or realize, that actually we rely on our partners to feel that yourself is being pampered, being loved, being taken care of - Being the most special person. To feel we're special, we rely on the third party. And in fact, it should be oneself - your own self - to make you feel special in your own way. Then, someone is able to love the special you. and not vice versa.

So, after that day on, I feel the brand new me again. I start to love looking at myself more and more everyday. I love my eyes, which is big and bright. I love my curls, where other girls just possess straight dull hair. I love my face, as well as my teeth. They're not that bad after all. Instead of complaining, I show my gratitude over them. My personality, my looks, my likes, my dislikes. I am proud. Because i'm unusual in my way although common. I'm no celebrity. Not any experts. But I am ME. This fact will never change forever.

Strange dream

2009-04-09T08:08:00.002+08:00

I had the craziest dream of my life. Perhaps I've been watching too much Jigoku Shoujo animations.

It goes like this. In this world, it seems that everyone works very hard to live. One day, a few wooden plank drop down from sky and several people took them. But that's not something good. In my family, mysteriously, my didi became my father =.=' ok, it's strange enough. And there was a lady i don't know who which was living with us. Both were one of those several people that obtained that wooden planks. They believe that if you write your names on the planks, you will sent to heaven. However they wrote their names without me and my mummy knowing.

Several days passed, on this particular day, some beautiful ferries just look so alike in those merry-go-rounds appear in the middle of the town. Those who were working knew today what day is it. Somehow, these ferries were transported home. There was 1 as well in my house. My didi and that unknown lady sat in the ferry. And the ferry started it's journey. It floats and went up the stairs. When approaching the walls, hands just like dug through walls and were "welcoming" them. I heard the lady said, "this must be a mistake!"I was there somehow, And I manage to grab my didi.. But he was fully exhausted already...almost bringing him to death. I paniced. I call to my mum, but she doesn't seem to care even though I said "it's true! He's going to die!" My mum wasn't listening. It's me alone. I dreadfully brought my didi (father) to the kitchen. I was so panic. I just don't know what to do now. I just let him go. Hell certainly won't have any water to drink. So, I quickly hand-fed him with water. My didi was going to close his eyes.... the sink was then full with washing liquid diluted with water. mum must have just wash the dishes. I was so barbaric...I drown my didi into the liquid-water. He willingly took a few mouthful of it. I withdawned him out again. He really seems tired.. I told him, with his red face and about-to-close-eyes, "Just want you to know, I love you very much..very very much, you know?" he nodded restlessly. and I continued, "And you're the youngest father anyone could had." (just ignore it ==') I carried him like a koala. The koala hug style. The hug that makes my didi sleeps. I carry him like old times. I sat on the sofa on the living room. I close my eyes while feeling the restless body resting in my arms. I just couldn't imagine it, I couldn't believe it as well. This is farewell..

The next thing I saw when I opened my eyes, were tears. But this dream has ended. It's finally the end. The end of a horrible dream... My eyes were wet and my heart was pounding hard. Truthly, this is the first sad dream that has occured to me. Until tears drop as well. The first thing I wanna do after this dream is to hear his voice...

All I want to say is, having short breaks may gave some reliefs, but when you lose something for good, that time, there's only limited memories. Don't take anything for granted in life. Always show your gratitude toward others. Be grateful.

Annoyed...

2009-04-08T14:53:00.002+08:00

So I'm all alone in the house. And I'm very very very annoyed by this freaking Anwar!!!! Can somebody ask him to stop messaging me? I mean, we're from different channel. I just can't change my channel - my language. How does he can expect me to sms in Malay? I'm sorry. But I'm just not having fun chatting like that. 1 more thing. Please stop miss calling me midnight? haiz... no.1 It so rude that he misscall like that. no.2 My mum's starting to suspect me of having a boyfriend since got once she answered his line. And I'll be in deep trouble. no.3 He's not the one i'm waiting for to misscall me or sms me. If "he" does do that, I won't mind letting him disturb me =D~ But anyways~ It's just a false dream~

A typical Love Story　あいしてる～ねがいよ

2009-04-05T21:58:00.002+08:00

It started when I first entered class. It didn't bring me any notice for him. I came across feelings for the other guy. But, I was in the same group with him before... I didn't know anything unusual.. I remember at the very end of the class, he made me laugh...well, as well as the whole class.. I can still remember that moment. He sweats me out! That was the end of the first class... But as soon as I knew it, darn! We're in the same class AGAIN!

Second class started almost the last week of National Service. Why? Why on earth it's both two again?? There's 3 guys from the same class before. And 2 of them which....frust me out here! The guy i had a crush on and a guy that had a crush on me! haha... Guess which "he" i'm referring here. ...The latter "he"... I didn't notice him before that, that's for sure. Come to think bout it, it started when I told the class that I don't have a boyfren. That's when it started. He came across diff stuff the catch my attention. He keeps looking at me, I just panic look away. He "jokingly" gave me things and say things....which is hard for me to describe =.='... he asked me to miss call him 1 day. So I did, when I took back my phone. when this class ends, he walked me all the way to that junction. We may not speak again. But it proves wrong.. I took the insitaive to message him....but.

...But even then, there's doubts.. I mean, no.1 why he's so shy when he's with me only? In front of his friends, he can be so open, he can give me things, he can talk things to me...but with me, he keeps them to himself. I don't understand either. no.2 I was the one who's taking insiative. I was the first to pick up the phone and message him when something stupid topic came across my mind or what.. maybe he's playing expensive..? for some times, I felt that... Am I interrupting him? Am I a frustration to him? Am I disturbing his life? Well, it's still a doubt.. but one day, he was like so angry so frust at something or maybe even me when i spoke to him. I was.. scared... we didn't spoke after that for about 2 weeks. And later 1 day he spoke to me 1 midnight. But I was scared. I don't want him to hate me. I cut off the conversation after a short while. We chould cool off awhile. Weeks have been passed. just like that. just like that.. probably he has some work to do... I seldom see him on again.

But i really wish things would work out between us. It's the first time I felt like this. Or maybe it's just a sweet dream? Or just a 3-month contract. I don't know. I don't wanna know if it's like that...

Lif3 in NS (1)

2009-03-13T13:59:00.006+08:00

28/12/08 - 0948 - DAY1

The activities haven't started yet and it's getting boring! At least there CHKL student with me.. =)

I met some people there...

Huey Lin
Steffie
Lai Kwan
Hui Jing
Nadia
Mira

I haven't got a chance to talk to an Indian for now..It's not easy to chat with a malays either.. They talk very fast and it's hard to understand. Today is a Sunday...and we can carry out our own activities..which is chatting and sleeping(not for me) Food here is HARD TO STAND! There's chilli in every meal...But...Others still ok la.. HAiz.. I missed home...oh god! A batch of johorians will be arriving this evening and boys are gonna shave to skin heads... hahahazz..~ But seriously...BORING!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

29/12/08 - XXxx - DAY2

闷死了...时间？没闹钟就是酱啦！都说要带闹钟，可是妈妈说不需要。 Now, I've lost track of time and "day" and "night" are the only 2 words that can be used to describe time... We got our clothes today..But, tons of them needed to be changed.. They demo how our place should be kept..Darn! I don't know what to say! I just prefer having it my own way..

Once again,no no wrong...supposed to be today............well, lights are down now..sleeping time..tomorrow there's stuff to doearly in the morning...to be continue...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

30/12 - XXxx - DAY3

As i was saying, yesterday...i went to the shop nearby to buy this botebook and some hangers...A guy known as CC Wai... took the last hangers when i "almost" got my hands towards it..my friends ask me,,why aren't i taking any hangers? i accidentally blurted out...he took the last hangers... and he gave it to me then.. I was..quite regretted bout my actions...Roll call yesterday... he was glancing towards me with his friends...I THINK that they're talking bout me...Haiz....=='

Friends...haiz...i have no idea why it's hard for me to keep friendships...maybe it's because i'm a bore person..I don't seemed to be important...Like i said i wanna to go the public phone to call, they didn't even wait for me at all.. T.T

Anyways, today morning, I was awaken by someone's alarm clock, which is a good thing becasue i was afraid i can't wake up at all.. During KKJ...we need to design a flag and a I-dunno-what-is-that-thing-called and a song.. Boring! felt like calling back hopme and hear that sei zai bao's voice...missed him T.T~

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

31/12 - XXxx - DAY5

KKJ period, we get to interact with boys..first time...and we knew some guys...Kevin..Wei Yang..Daniel...Tan...but they have already shaved their heads....which makes them botak...and hard to regconize...lolx~

IN the morning, we gather at the padang for bla bla bla...i dunno what..Mira suddenly asked e to ikrar without earlier notice..haiz..so fish... the jurulatih said i didn't pay attention...By right, I can't even see them white they're doing yesterday...Darn..It's like bullying girls...zzz...

================================================================

1,2,3,4/1/09 - XXxx - DAY6,7,8,9

Ah gong passed away on the last day of 2008 time 3pm+...It seems that he passed away peacefully without any torture.. The monk asks us not to cry....

I was shock when my name was called...I've been told to go to the pejabat..I was shock to see my mum and sis there....Then they told me that ah gong passed away...And i must attend the funeral...

When we reached there, family members were chanting.....for the sake Ah gong will reach heaven safely.......the chant must went on until the day he's cremate...

I remembered...During the cremation...It was so sad to stand the whole family's tears...We had to let them out...so did i.....When the scene of pushing ur ancestors into the burning fire.......no more chances to see him again.......

I got back home to KL they day he's been cremated..I stayed 1 more night there.. Tomorrow I had to go back to camp for NS...I will be missing the picking up ah gong's ashes ceremony....

################################################################

5/1 - XXxx - Day10

went back to camp today...

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

6/1/09 - 1335 - DAY11

Today morning, we gathered at the padang as followed..Cikgu Ain put on some music and we danced...fun~ haha....

I heard an angry thing today...somebody actually had a gf but ask another in camp for her handphone number...SWT! I hate this kinda guy!

Today..my first time in class...Mizi...same class as me.. do the V^^ look at me... I have no idea what's he doing..and I don't know how to react....I just ignored him...wakakkaa...then there's Raja..A funny guy which keep making fun od Cikgu Wan...

Luckily there's soem1 with me from the same dorm..her name is Zila..And I was in the same group as her,Mizi, Raja, Natasha, Sam, Khairul, Ika, Dayah..

***************************************************************************************

readying up

2008-12-22T00:53:00.003+08:00

5days

5 days before NS... I have to pack up my things. And even sleep earlier. So that i can cope with the timing over there. Hmm... Tomorrow I have to sleep bout 11pm..And 10pm and 9pm...most probably 9.30pm. can't sleep with that "thing" crawling around my bed...p/s: thing = didi... Other than that, let me see what to bring there...

toothbrush/toothpaste
body/hair shampoo
3 T-shirt
2 3-quater pants
2 CHKL shorts
3 pair of undies(i dun have to say aloud - -')
cleanser/ sun block
1 small book..as diary..what do you expect when i can't blog..==
1 pencil box
phone/charger...although they don't allow..but i rather put it with them..later my mum...can see all my msg..=-=
1 pair flip-flops
1 normal pair of shoes/sandals
o yah...bread..as in "bread"...
maybe a book...to read/study during free time.
1 picture of that "thing"..lolx

2008-12-11T15:53:00.002+08:00

Even i tell you, it won't change anything.
you can't help me.
And both you 2...
...and I
will feel that I myself am selfish.
Selfish me but sensitive
I hate myself as well
so I remain silent.
16days more...

2008-12-11T15:49:00.001+08:00

I don't know why I'll cry.
Or even worse,
when i think bout these problems

2008-12-11T15:45:00.001+08:00

By doing this, I dunno what will be next...
Am i asking for attention?

Replacable

2008-12-11T01:34:00.004+08:00

I can't stand myself.Jealousy was not my part but every time i see her with them everything like so different i'm invisible nobody cares nobody knows the tears flowing inside my heart i try not to be but i cant i felt like replaced by someone else more stuff to say more things to talk finding out that i'm actually not important it hurts it really do why nobody knows? Please don't. I felt hurt. very very hurt. By actions by words. I felt like wanna lose these friends. feelings are feelings. I cant deny it. I rather never to talk to you both anymore. These feelings are really killing me. I feel sad i feel uncomfortable, i feel replaced. god damn it!!! please don't force me...............

Genting~ 5/12

2008-12-09T15:44:00.004+08:00

Came back from Genting for quite awhile now, but i don't have the time to write bout it~ lolx~ Coz my grandpa admitted into hospital again. Hope he's ok...

I'm quite fun with the genting holidays. Even though my feet were pain and needed 2 days to fully recover. I have no idea when was the last time I stepped into the outdoor theme park. Way before I was in primary school i guess. Finally i can step inside again!! I first time sat the Space shot. Which was aka Terror Tower. The thing my parents played but not me when we're in Australia. Anyways, It was quite an experience. The chair we sat on move up slowly at first, stops at the highest location of the tower for some time and drop like SHIT! onto the ground. = =~

There's just too many things to say bout, but i really dunno how to spit it out now. I kinda lose track of my memories. Everything just going too fast in my head. OK, let's sort it out:

Josie didn't sit the bus to Genting skyway station as she was late
Theme park was such a fun, so many rides we sat. Roller coasters, Boating, photographing. Not to mention saw Jun Yong and some other CHKL's students but we dunno what's they're name
Mun saw a leng zai. And that leng zai seemed like kept following us. Like seeing him whenever we go. Even the next day when we're on our way taking the bus.
The clowns are cute and very naughty as well. haha. we met 2 tall clowns, 1 girl clown, 1 mine-dunno-what-to-call (doesn't laugh), and 1 normal clown. = ='
Saw a fella dressed up so damn yeng! It's like XDO came alive. Haiz. So wish can take a photo of him~
We became bunch of freaks when we're taking photos by jumping Nth times.

That's like overall bout it. I love it~ Haha...
but my dad made it awkward when he said that I'm more enjoyed bout going out with friends than with my mum. That's so not true! I enjoyed when I'm with my mum too. It's just a different type of enjoyment. With friends, it's adventurous. With mum, it's calm and quiet with fresh breezes of the cool air. I'm not complaining. I love them both as much as i can.

I'm Not I'm sososososososooooo NOT!

2008-12-04T18:08:00.002+08:00

I dunno how to start this.
But that's like ridiculous for that to happen!
Never never!!!!
I just felt uncomfortable, not jealousy... Please not jealousy..
I'm not.
I can't as well!!!
No way that's ever gonna happen!!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!
What a ridiculous thing to ever think bout it!!
Just uncomfortable!! yea! uncomfortable!
not that kinda of feelings!
NONONONONO!!
NEVER NEVER NEVER!

Last Day In CHONG HWA INDEPENDENT HIGH SCHOOL..misses always!

2008-11-27T21:22:00.003+08:00

'MARIA'為了心中所愛的人 , 而受傷了每一個人... (Hamasaki Ayumi - M )

Apparently, My online friend didn't went for NS. Sweat. Anyways, don't care lo. he lied to me.... no mood talk to him already.

Today was my last day in CH independent high. I still can't accept the fact that i'm not gonna study in my school again. It seems so unbelievable. I kinda miss Chong Hwa. Just like AhFeiDian said, missing school. Today was the last day wearing school uniform. Hey, I'm 17 already. Time to start a new life in colleges/universities. Meet new people. And maybe I'll forget friends that are dearest to me. So hope that form5 will be forever in my life. I love form5 the most. Well, off all forms, form1 and form5 gave the biggest impression to me. I'll miss Yap Mun Yee (叶美妤） Colin Chan Yin Yin (陈吟芸）, Ho Han Ying (贺涵颖），Sze Hui Yeng (徐慧莹），Ang Lai Meng (洪黎明） and soooo much more.... not to mention p3ar, but that will be the past. Haiz..... Miss my friends and school!! I can't forget you all!!! T_T

Unexpected meet up.

2008-11-26T18:17:00.002+08:00

Well, NS is around the corner. 26/27 december I'll be going to Mantin camp. Somewhr in Seremban. my mum says that it's quite near to where we stay. And 1 thing, very unexpectedly, an online friend of mine... IS IN THE SAME CAMP AS ME! Wow... I feel so...刺激. haha. This is the first meet up I'm going to do. Coz, I never met my online friends real life before. Not anyone. Ah Dien, first known last year, is in the same batch and in the same camp as me. I think I'll freak out. Ahh sweat~!~

NS...I'm actually having mixed feelings about it. I am excited, scared, confused, curious, awaiting and pushed back towards it as well. OK, I have no idea what i'm saying. = =~ I'm kinda excited coz I'm able to stay on my own without my parents. I've always finding this chance to do this. Not because i hate them, I just wanna try out how independent is. Scared that I can't find up a friend there. And I have to listen to Malay,which is one of my weak subjects in school. Confused as I don't know if I can cope with it. That's why I'm looking forward to it but I'm also trying to pull myself away from it. I think, It will be a great experience. Wish me luck~!

Jealousy factor - away from me pls

2008-11-26T18:16:00.001+08:00

I hate being in the center of couples. I don't feel comfortable and i don't feel nice and most of all, I hate that feeling!! BO song. NOT that I feel that coz I don't have a bf, it's because it's becoming too fake. Some things i have no idea how to explain it. And to tell, the truth, I can't talk bout this. I don't want to ruin anybody's relationship. I keep it to myself. Just don't make me the "jealousy" factor. I will feel as if i'm being used only and don't feel well.

Until the day we will meet again..I will forget!

2008-11-26T18:01:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow will be the last day I'll ever see him again. And i think, I will get my life on. No more looking back. No more thinking childish stuffs bout you. No more.. No more.. No more.. Not at all. Maybe, I'll have the memories of liking you. But those will be when I meet you again. And those memories are just history. I know, It won't happen. Just the thing of fanciness bout you makes it all.

12:35am and I'm half awake

2008-11-22T00:13:00.002+08:00

Busy downloading some jap songs.. And i'm boring of keep downloading them. Because I need to wait so long when i wanna sleep = =~ C'mon! At least tat TVXQ's Sky.. the one before it was so... short. Some of them were missing. I love this song very much. But it always went nothing at the end. that frustrated me alot. Now, that's better. Although I haven't download finish that song. But I think this is the original 1. O yes~ Writing this blog..is to stop myself from downloading more japanese songs. I'm tired. But as long as my hands aren't working. I'll keep looking for more japanese artists and download their songs. 31% of 4files... wow... so slow. = =~ Hope my sis ain't downloading too. if not, I think I'll have to wait till tmr.

Remember those eyes, black pupils,
even though they're not hazel,
not blue nor green,
but who cares?
I just can't take them of my mind,
Even they're not diamonds,
they still shine as bright
as my mind would think of them.
I hate this crush
at the same time,
I love this crush.
I may act calm,
but blood rush
through my arteries and veins
you act serious,
as if I'm the one you're seeing
As a dream,
everything is dimmed
like butter or cream
melt as u touch it.
none does come true,
when nothing had been done.
no actions,
no chances.
listen to your heart,
take your heart out,
and work it out.
even it it fails,
whoever won't?

So what?!

2008-11-21T17:33:00.002+08:00

When I say I don't wanna talk bout P3ar. I just wanna talk bout p3ar!! stupid. Haiz...

that day he talked to me. walao eh~ i can still remember the look. The eyes, the hair, the words. Which reminds me to download "7 things" on limewire. LOlx~ "7 things i like bout you - your hair your smile....bla bla bla"...can't exactly remember how it goes. HE was talking to me. Well, asking me things. I answered as if I know it but actually, I'm kinda scared that I'll say wrong anything or my tongue would go entangled. Oh my god.. Maybe he can see that I'm calm. But deep inside, i actually freaking out. Panicing.

Ever since LM told me that he knows that i likes him, he seemed like...NOTHING. yea nothing. In fact, he keep talking to me or i dunno how to say it...But it felt like weird. I can say that LM's words are trustable...On behalf that i know him and also...he doesn't seem that he could lie me. Well, I dunno~

Dreams won't get you to it. Actions does.

I want to Crush it, Crush it!

2008-11-13T22:29:00.003+08:00

LM told me that P3ar knows that I like him. He said that he can feel it. Generally, I don't think I myself contributed the most. Well,~ Maybe a little little little~ hehe. HY and LM contributed the most.. HAIYA!! They keep making fun with him, especially that....LM.. T_T AND ShuYan too. I feel like so embarrassed by their actions. I sometimes really dunno how to face him already. ALTHOUGH I did say I will try to give up on him...but....sometimes I myself can't stop staring at him. Well, although it's just a blink from far.

Today, he talked to me quite a lot. 1 thing I don't understand bout boys... They seem like GIRLS! Why? Cause I think they like the feeling of being chase after. HAHAZ~ Obviously, he still likes someone else. But, basically, he knows that i like him and he still talks to me and sometimes trying to catch my attention. = = Ahh SWT! Guys!!!~!!!

Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away,
But I know this crush aint goin away-yay-yay-yayyay,
goin away-yay-yay-yayyay,
but i love this crush, I can't give it up myself

Tension, Stress? Yea that's me.

2008-10-31T17:03:00.002+08:00

Yea, it's me. SO stressed up that sometimes I get severe headache. And why for that? because I'm very freaking panic bout SPM. 11/11. That's the freaking date. And also my friend's birthday. = =' ok. that's unimportant. most importantly.. SPM!! And I'm too tension bout it! Sometimes i just secretly cried out to my heart. Well, nobody knew it yet. I'm just so scared that I'll get mental kinda sickness even before the big day. Especially....Sejarah. I'm freaking out! All those structure question till sometimes i can't even manage to do it all. I'm scared. Really scared....

So, here i am. Listening to some music. downloading some "w-inds" songs. AHHH~ My favourite japanese band~ At least I think it's a band o.-" Anyways, it doesn't matter. haha. I like this type of relaxing way. No sejarah no exam no workbooks no practices no questions. That's how i love it~ Ah~

I watched some show today. Well, today it isn't that condusive for studying. It's very ineffective. And i don't have the mood to do it. I know, Spm is like around the corner and i'm doing rubbish. For instances, watching tv, writing blogs -.o" that's pathetic. I saw this actress act before and I think i'm love with her. She is not slim or tall or what. But she's really the outgoing type, happy type, and joking type of woman. I forgot her name but I remember her name started with 'K' and surname Alley, provided if I din's misspelled her name. Gosh = = Anyways, she's kinda plump. But i like the way she act. very jokingly. sometimes if everyone were to be like her, it might be the best country in out whole paradise. haha. Just making up my imagination. Nothing great bout it~

Talking bout stress, i DON'T have so much pressure on me before. Especially exams. Never. If you say homework, yea maybe, but that's also because sometimes i lazy to work.. and bla bla bla.. hahaha..Get back to my downloading songs session.~ C ya~

能不能给我一首歌的时间？

2008-10-23T00:04:00.003+08:00

This will be the last page of p3ar...well, maybe...

Josie asked me to hold on to the chance. But, does that even matter? He likes CY and that's all that counts. Maybe if there were no CY then might but that doesn't mean it's gonna have a high probability too. That day, I was moody. Not say sad. but just moody..times when I will think carefully and clearly. I thought. Yea, I did. Somehow I hate that feeling of not giving myself a chance. But anyways, It wont have any difference, It won't change a single thing. Now, that's the point! That's exactly the point for being moody. I'm like in a dilemma. I don't know what to do. Even though I already had known of that very clear ending.

“能不能给我一首歌的时间
紧紧地把那拥抱变成永远？”

Biology 3xtra Class

2008-10-17T18:32:00.002+08:00

Today's Biology class again. AND I have no idea why i keep write Biology as Bioloday. - -" ok. so swt~~ Anyways, in class, Josie wants to know who's P3ar. So, WHO IS P3AR?! OK la, but she wants to know. I told her this is not the main thing because I've already, well, almost already, to give up on him. haha. He today wasn't in the class. I bet he's skipping class like everyone feels want to. HY asked Josie to guess. We gave some tips. 1. He's tall, above 170cm. 2. He's a guy. 3. He's 17 years old.....OK, bla bla bla. Main tip, well, I mean important tip.. = =" He wears half of his spects. Now, what does that mean? HY and I know what it means. But not Josie. Instead, she thought the frame of the spects is half-framed. LOL. I and HY landed up laughing in tears. Josie keep saying it's LM. And I was....wakakakkakakakakakkakaka.......never gonna happen = =!! What we meant "half spects" because he sometimes wears spects and sometimes he's not. That's what we meant. Well, to say the truth, it's quite misleading. haha.

After class, we went to Mutiara to eat. It happened unexpectacly and unplanned and spontaneously. We just decided. And LM landed up coming with us as soon as he found out. We all sat WeiQuan's small kancil car out. To squeeze 6 person in the car, specifically Kancil, It's really like sardine. BUT I got the pleasure of sitting in front. Because I'm fat = =' OK.. skip skip.. nothing important. hahaha. We ordered Pizza Hut XXXXX dunno what name it is. But it's quite small = ='... But satisfying and feeling.

I can't believe Josie and HY still remember that thing. When we're eating Sushi that day, my ONLINE friend called me. I was surprised. So was HY. She asked me who's that. And I said it quickly.."online friend"... She "Har"-ed me twice before she heard it right. ET and Josie were suddenly stunned and asked me what. I said my online friend. And they laughed. Why, because they heard "我男朋友". Instead "online 朋友". It's really almost sounded the same when you speak fastly and unclearly = = '. hahaha. Till now, they still remember and still laughing bout it. hahaha.....

small stuffs~

2008-10-14T23:27:00.002+08:00

Haiz~ My leg got hurt again. It's always bout my knee. It's not the first time either. Just it still hurts even though it's an old kind of sickness. Of cos it hurts - -'

Today, my lou dao and JianHan finally contact both again. OK, they're talking rite now. Just i no bird and start blogging. Haha... They're talking bout Ran's thing.. bla bla bla... no bird.. wakakakak~ ^^

MidValley Hang Gai~

2008-10-13T23:02:00.002+08:00

Today, I and HY and SM and Josie went to MidValley~ oye~ it's fun and tiring - -. Mainly tiring. haha. walk so long. My foot also hei pok already. I walk to the LRT station wert. that time already started to pain. If I have known this earlier, I will surely wear shoes there. by the way, HY also pain. so it's not me alone. haha.

I met Hy on the train. And then we went to KL sentral and sit KTM to midvalley. SM late come, so is Josie. So, I and HY walk round first. Then SM came, that time we're waiting outside SUSHI KING on the highest level. We went in and ate Sushi, then suddenly, Josie called. She just arrived. We decided to go ground floor d SUSHI KING. The waiter serving us our seat might be a japanese. He sounds like 1. Talk so fast. haha. At Sushi King, we act like.... monkeys. haha. They keep wanting to take a picture of all the sushi we ate. I think quite many people there think we have something wrong. The Sushi was like so FABULOUS~ Unagi so nice to eat. and the tempura. My sis sure will get super jealous. Because she haven't have the chance to step inside sushi king before. This is my 1st time too.

Anyways, That's about it. We ate Icecream. very ruan mian mian d. until i also have tonsils problem. - -" We went into many different kind of shops and play play and see see. haha.

LM asked me why din ask him to go. Well, I did - - But he give lame answers only. lolx~ now my fault~

New start perhaps? I'm fine~

2008-10-06T14:35:00.003+08:00

Just about last week i said I would reopen the next day. But I apologize. Because of my dad. He's always at home and always check check see see to see what we're doing - -

OK, let's start. Last week, P3ar gao bai in ChYn's bday card. ShuYan saw it and gave us read. Then she loud loud said :"Eee~Jolene jealous d" I was like ** ** ******！*！！！ so ***** lo. I like him, that;s the truth. BUT! I don't feel jealous at all. At first I was kinda impressed. Because he dare to do that and let the whole class knew. Then after that, i feel sad. If say I don't feel anything, then that's lying. BUT i really don't feel jealous. Because, psycology what. I got that xin li zun bei before. And I never thought of got the chance also la. haha. To tell the truth, I now quite avoided him. Don't wanna re-like something that doesn't brings you any chance to like them right? I'm not that stupid. Anyways, I don't think much of him today compared to the last few weeks. I feel nothing compared to that day. But maybe with a slightly sad feelings during her bday. Then, I'm free =P I sat luin also have nothing to worry. Because I will be more focus on my study. I don't have to think bout stupid things during studying. Speaking bout study, It's bout time i have to study. N1gHt keep chatting with me. Haha. A quite long time ago didn't contact d good good friend. lolx

Back & On

2008-10-02T20:19:00.002+08:00

Yupz, I'm back and I'm "on-ing" this blog back. I know, I've abandoned you all!~ NO worry NO fear~

This holiday, well it's only 2 days. But it's not quite much a holiday. Because I can't on the pc and go online anyways. That's all because of my grandfather. He had been discharged yesterday and we all went to new house and stay there, of course. Much to say. But, I don't think I'll start it today. My dad is putting much of his eyes on me and my sis. He won't let me touch the pc. He said I have to sit for my exams and games are not allowed. Hello!!?? I'm tired and stressed out. Gimme some time to be free. Pleaaassee!! I really don't have the strength to continue study!

Tomorrow, I'll be starting writing again.

LOL day

2008-09-11T17:20:00.003+08:00

Today, JL say CY say we're noisy in class yesterday. I felt so innocent. I remembered LM and HY were arguing bout what "hua chi" "bai chi" things. And I just responsible to ask them to be quiet. =.=" I AM SO INNOCENT!

So after that, we planned a game. Whoever talk first will be "bai hua chi". MT found out that we're playing this game. So he decided to "take part" in this game by making me angry or laugh. == And I don't know why he only teased me but not others. How unfair. He pour water on my hair. And try to make me laugh or shout. How ....... =="

But the game automatically end during PE lesson. Because we had to talk anyway! Lolx. Kinda fun game... haha

Fr3nZ

2008-09-10T16:00:00.003+08:00

I don't usually do this but i am really doing it now! lolx.. HY and LM were so fascinated to see me being so initiative. Well, to say the truth, this is my 1st time being that way. I don't last time. But I do now. Female changes when she's turning 18. How true.... hahaz...

These days, LM and HY keep..... disturb each other...or maybe just disturbing me. XD Both of them like cats and dogs already. Well, again, it thanks me for being "zhong jian ren". Quite a while we sit together already. Before that, I thought HY was a serious person even though i know her during form 1. But now, she's kinda.... lolx. And then LM, last time so diam diam 1. Now very 'Berisi" jor.. diam-diam ubi berisi. lolx. Like a totally new person before and after sitting with him. Then this JL. =.=" Nothing to say la. Still always like to zheng gu ppl lo. But 1 thing I know that he's so pessimistic...I can't believe he's those type of people. It makes me go O.0 and @.@ when I heard that he always feel how how the 1st time.

Till now, I prefer to stick with this stupid people rather than mermaid ,CZ or Colin. XD I don't know but I don't think I and CZ should be best friends. It's the attitude problem. Maybe just mine or maybe just hers or maybe both. Just not the same personality. Then, mermaid... erm.. It's ok to be friends with her but....I don't know how to put it. Maybe too many peoples too friend with her. Least for Colin, yea, I can be very friend with her. But not with Pkeng. Just some personal things I sometimes can't take it.

Anyways, Colin knew my secret already. CW also know, Mermaid suspect the right person and LM, JL and HY. Most probably SM too. =.=' I like don't care if this is still a secret or not. Anyways, It doesn't feel like it's a secret. Everyone seems to know! ><"

BoOMbAaM - nothing happen

2008-09-09T16:37:00.004+08:00

It's not that I became lazy to write blogs but... with every weekends and my lou dao's prob...I just don't have the time to write 1.

Online lou dao so bad.. ask me not to write blog and accompany him to play sdo. =.=" He said that nobody's looking and write for nothing. LOLz. That's why i accompany him. Not that his theory is right, but because he putus cinta. If not, choi hui dou so. XD

Well, today, there's nothing happen today. Just I talked with P3ar more jor. Wakakaka... Just meaningless word however =.=". But, it's good to talk to him. =P

Rainy Wetty Day

2008-09-05T17:57:00.002+08:00

I waited for the bus.. wait..and wait...and wait.... but it haven't came. Of course, I know it's gonna be quite long. As, it is jamming. Perhaps it's the Islam prayers' time that's causing the jam. I thought of taking the Monorail to go home. When I was about to make a move to the station, I saw the 16bus coming. So i turned and walked back there. It's packed like a sardine. Good thing I manage to get a seat before the packing started. I was safe fortunately.

I reached home 5.30pm. My sister had already reached home. I wanted to cook hard-boiled egg. But to my dismay, instead of a hard-boiled egg, I did a half-boiled egg. It looks kinda eeky...But to my surprise, it's actually quite nice. Haha.. 1st time I boiled eggs ok~ I cut some cucumbers and add in some thousand island sauce. What to do? I'm starving... I loved it ^^

Families =-= I hate it =-=

2008-09-04T17:00:00.004+08:00

As shown a few days before, My grandpa is very sick. A tumour of unknown substance is growing larger and larger in his spinal cord.

The problem is....

My uncle asked my dad to take care of him. Bring him to KL. And get him treated in KL hospitals.
Then on the other side, my dad....he said he don't have the time to bring him here and there, but he'll try his best. Before my dad came back from Kalimantan, my cousin, Li Liang, sms-ed him and told him that his dad is very sick. As soon as my dad saw the message, he called up her. But, she didn't pick up and bla bla bla..... So, my uncle was thinking of sharing responsibilities with my dad.

What I think bout these adults is..... immatures

1st of all. I don't think Li Liang should enter into this matter. Her attitude is like...."I am a grown up and I should do something bout this matter. I think that's very wrong." OK, stop there. My dad wasn't happy with the way she's talking to him. Like very calculative just exactly like her mother. Well, It's true =.=" Scared the way when their eating with us. Both of them are like "CHARGE!!!!!!! & ATTACK!!!". You won't eat full when you're sitting the same table with them. This is true facts. Even my sis says that....

2nd of all, my uncle should still bear the responsibilities as well. My dad is very pressured and that's no joke. Yea we know that he's paying alot to treat grandpa but also he must understand the conditions of my dad.

3rd of all, I'm not siding anyone on this case. So next is my dad. I know he's very pressured at all but from my point of view, he should bear some of the responsibilities as well. My uncle had done his part. I think that they aren't being calculative. However, I strongly feel that they are being pushed too. Perhaps, financial problem?

Still, I hope LiLiang would pay more respect to my father. After all, my dad is considered as an elder. Older than LiLiang at least. So, Better if she could change her attitude and tone of voice will talking to people.

holiday rush

2008-09-02T16:44:00.002+08:00

I know, It's a holiday but why I'm not blogging this holiday~??

1st of all, my grandpa came with my uncle and cousins. My grandpa got some kind of sickness. That's why he needs to stay in KL hospital - Assunta. The neurosurgeon told us that he needs to be operated and take out a mass of unknown thing from his spinal cord - which is causing pain to him. Well, my uncle and my dad weren't opting for that as it was too dangerous for my old (81yrs old) and smoker grandpa. My dad suggested to bring him to Indonesia where there's a..well...mystical woman who can cure sickness - including cancer. They will be there next week 7 sept.

I didn't expect my grandpa would be that sick. Yesterday - which was the last day of holiday - all of us have to go back to where we are supposed to be. Well, schooling. And we won't be that much time to visit him. He held all of his grandchildren' who were present there and kissed our hands. I was kinda sad as well. I think he's feeling scared as well as what we're facing. Jeannie asked him to have more confidence in himself. Wish that the trip to Indonesia can help him...

While it's a holiday, my parents decided to let us all - including my cousins and all - to stay in our new house. After visited grandpa at Assunta, we all went to our new house. At night, we decided to watch "Atonement". A love story. DeWen seemed bored. Love story ma.. not his type of thing. But, he managed to stand through the whole show and watched the other show bout gambling. It's like... what more can he watch... He's just older than me by 1 year old and yet, he knows how to buy TOTO.. swt...

But so long the whole family can chat with each other. OK, maybe not all. But a few of us still managed to chat together. That's a good phenomenon.

Aimless Road

2008-08-29T16:59:00.002+08:00

I think... I feel lesser like like towards P3ar. It's just only like, not like like anymore. That type of like which doesn't involve "love". Merely just.... how to say it..... I mean I still like him.. but not that much anymore. Because.... He only talks to SM =.="! OK! I'm not jealous-ing or what! This is because.... 1. I don't hate SM.. 2. I hate P3ar only..Because he choi SM more than me!! lolz... Ok la.. stop this now. No reason to feel the hatred or Umbrage (angry) - A new word i learned from Readers Digest.

I wanna write more.. But my lou dao urged me to play Sdo now. So... Next time I'll write more bout it.. He use stupid reasons to threaten me...T.T!

A Stone Throw

2008-08-28T17:31:00.003+08:00

I started to throw my stone today. (For p3ar =P) Well, today is a Thursday. Which means, today we'll change our seat by moving 3 seats away from our normal place. I was happy because today...p3ar sit quite near me. He sits beside + next + next seat, can consider near wert~ Haha.. BUT...he sure will talk more to SM instead to me. According to LM, SM and P3ar had been in the same class for quite awhile. Compared to me? Well, just 2 years. that's why. So, I wasn't that overjoyed bout that. Not saying I'm jealous or what.. but he always pays lesser attention to me!! Comparing to SM..><" 1 more thing that kept me fed up! He always talks to me when he needs help in his study.. >.<"!

OK, so it's the last period of the day. Unfortunately, teacher gave us a test. Calculus test to be specific. This teacher is new here. And I think she's somehow kinda soft-hearted. I mean, Seriously, even if she sees someone cheating, she won't confront them either. Sometimes, I feel sorry for her too. But anyways~ the whole class cheated. After i passed up my exam paper, I wanted to ask Colin some questions. She's sitting behind p3ar that time. So, I took the chance to sit beside him, which is empty, and talked with Colin. After I got my answers, I purposely turned to P3ar. He was doing the question. But he don't know how to do it. So i taught him to do. After some help, he did it. He found the answer. Then he came to thank me. Lolz. There's somehow somewhere inappropriate. He told me that he felt useless because he needed me to teach him to do. Well, I think I should slow down sometimes. Then after school, I saw him walked out the school with SM!!! Arghhh! =.=

Heavy Feather...

2008-08-26T17:09:00.003+08:00

Yesterday night, I was too busy thinking bout lou dao. He haven't reply my message. And I'm so scared he will do stupid things. So, I'm worried till I can't even get the word "C-H-E-M-I-S-T-R-Y" in my head. Seriously...I wasn't watching TV nor studying, even though I am watching and studying. NO joke.

10.30pm, the soap opera came to its end. And it's time to go to bed. At that time, I managed to think openly and positively. Only on that time, I realize... Lou dao is so much older than me - 26years old. And that makes him more mature than me as well. It's not his first love too. So, even if he wants to do anything stupid, he would done it earlier before. I know he's suffocating there. But at that same time, he's trying to get over it. And 1 more thing, IF he ever committed suicide, I'll be so pis*ed off. Even I managed to get over him and continue living, if you kill yourself over L-O-V-E, It's so d4mn worthless. No love doesn't mean there's no life. If I'm destined to live alone, then live alone that will be.

Good thing chemistry and addmaths turned out well today. If not, I'm gonna hit myself with the wall. Today's addmaths exam was so funny. Haha. Teacher gave us the paper. When I reached the second question, I'm not sure how to do that "locus" thingy. I didn't study it thoroughly. Then, teacher said it's a equation. After hearing that, I got the idea. I and LM cheated. LOlz. He helped me and I helped him on some careless mistakes. I corrected him~ =P However, he still get the 1st question wrong.

Sub 24Aug Diary (3) & Today - Bye Bye Olympics~

2008-08-25T18:27:00.004+08:00

The closing ceremony of Olympics. Oh d4rn. I like the fact that the Olympic really did catch my attention. There are some sports that I think are fun and interesting. For example, Playing badminton and Volleyball, and Diving and gymnasts. Too bad it's over. I so wanna catch more bout them.

So, the closing ceremony was overall just OK. My friends said that there's some sneak view in London, where it will be the new place for a new Olympics games the next 4 years, 2012. And that's interesting. I didn't manage to catch that. All I saw was artists singing. There's 王力宏，成龙，周华健，陈慧琳 , Rain and others. Nice... Just nice. Haha. So looking forward to the next Olympics.

The whole weekend was a up and down for me, and it is caused by 2 guys. 1 of them is lou dao. And the other 1 is that b4st4rd which i thought it's p3ar. But today, it's just stupid. The whole p3ar thing is such a miserable thing. STUPID JL!

Sub 24Aug Diary (2) & Today - P3ar

2008-08-25T18:08:00.003+08:00

After Westin, we went to new house to look see look see. I was washing the car. I didn't notice that SOME b4st4rds smsed me. Initially, He's not a B4st4rd. But today, He's a B4st4rd. Wanna know why??!!

I read the sms. But i have no idea who is it. The number looked familiar. I guessed guessed it's P3ar. Because it's just a guess, I decided to ask who is him. then he replied me "Ur pear lo.." Then I was like ADOI!! Haiz.. Don't feel to write bout this. Cause I'll be very fish. The main thing is I FELT SO D4MN PANIC! AND SCARED! OK.. skip skip skip and jump jump jump.. and skip skip skip and jump jump jump that part away.

Today, this JL told me he was that P3ar yesterday. I was like "WHAT THE ****!!!!!!!!!". Think didn't go through the brains enough. Stupid JL!!!!! He don't know how much he played my emotions!! For feeling panic and happy! @#$%^&*!!!!!!! And waste my money sms 016!!! Don't you know it's very expensive?? If he's really P3ar, I'll be willing to waste this pile of money. But if not, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! 冤枉钱!! T_T

And for what reasons i say "stupid CZ"? Because I thought it's really p3ar and I figured out that CZ told him bout that thing I fished bout. OK. Sorry CZ for accusing you. Now....STUPID JL STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID JJJJJJJJJJJJJLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sub 24Aug Diary (1) - Westin's Yum

2008-08-25T17:54:00.005+08:00

Morning I woke up. It's 8am. My mum was awake that time, with my didi, Bryan. It's so boring. I can't seemed to stand the boringness. I thought I might be able to surf the net with dad's laptop. NAhh! The stupid laptop bullied me. There's no line there!! ARhghGH!

9.20am.OK, my mum decided to go to Pavillion. Anyways, it's just opposite the hotel. =.=" But I'm quite lazy. Still, I went with her. You know why she wanted to go Pavillion so dreadfully?? Because of J.CO DOUGHNUTS. Her fav. lolx. But she always say it's our fav. Just admit it~! =P We were there. But it's too early. Even the doughnuts aren't ready at that moment. It will open on 10am sharp. OK. We waited.. and waited...and waited. Finally, 10am~ yeah~ Believe or not, we're the first to buy them. Haha! Fresh from the oven~

11.30am, It's time for Brunch. Brunch stands for - BReakfast and lUNCH. that's what it meant. But to me, it's Bruncher.. + DinnER. haha.. It's dim sum like that la. Eat till very full oh....Anyways, that's my day in Westin.

Sub 23Aug Diary - Stay in KL

2008-08-25T17:32:00.007+08:00

OK, there's must be someone asking, what the h3ll you meant staying in KL!!?? LOLz. Now, I'll explain. My mum got this voucher to have a free night stay in Westin, which costs RM500 per night. Nice ya~ For me, that's just nothing but ordinary. I mean.. I prefer sleeping on my own bed without sharing with my parents and siblings. Because it's just 1 room and only have 1 bed. That's why i prefer staying at home. =P And my didi keep crying through the night. Is it possible that I can get a good night sleep??! Not to mention, he slept and turned all over the bed the whole night. Seriously! He sleeps like this and becomes like that the next day. Only my didi know how to do that. Haha.

That night, it wasn't a good night anyways. I can't sleep and I keep thinking bout lou dao's problem. He would sms me and say "free ma?" and then i replied him but then he didn't reply me. Sweat!! But I know, he knows, everyone knows, he wanted somebody to accompany him. I still felt soooo sorry for him! I can't help him. I can't comfort him. Not like he always help me and comfort me. I got the guilty feeling in my spine, but I really am unable to help him. Well, his girlfriend broke up with him. And so on.... On the whole, LOVE this thing should be solved by oneself. I can't help him. But all I can do is pray. And hope that he can feel better tomorrow. Wishing for the best day for him tomorrow and recover as soon as possible.

As for my real dad, I not sure if it's a dream or reality. When I'm sleeping, I "like" saw him took my phone and...

-"You got boyfriend ar?"
-"Boyfriend your head la!"

He took my phone and I think he's checking it.

-"Don't read my messages la!"

He passed me back the phone. He threw it on the hotel bed and I took it. I put it on the table beside me. Then I just went to sleep.

Well, Overall, It's a "LIKE" thing. So I seriously don't know if it really happened. The next day, I didn't choose to ask him. It didn't seem to run through my mind. I don't even want to think bout telling him.

Summary for today's overall happenings

2008-08-24T22:11:00.004+08:00

OK, there's so much I truly wanna blog about. But obviously, there's no time. ><" I had to be in bed by 10.30pm and i left 18 minutes. So, I'll write the main happenings here, and I'll elaborate them tomorrow.

1. Holiday in KL...... Yea, I know, it's pathetic. And, EEST restaurant Brunch or should I say Bruncher...You'll know why...

2. My poor online lou dao. Hope he's feeling OK.

3. My dad's stuff. But I really am uncertain if that's a dream or reality..I'm saying REALLY UNCERTAIN!

4. D4mn Crazy P3ar..><" Panicking day for me. Stupid Cz....

5. Olympic Closing Ceremony. BOoO! I don't want it to end!

Nice crazy day for me. Both sad and happy moments together. Well, both caused by 2 guys. thanks a lot to them....=.="

Have a beautiful NiteZ dream ya~

online Lou Dao Haiz!!

2008-08-22T22:30:00.003+08:00

Lou dao entered the world of miserable love life. And now, I'm accompanying him in sdo. No games no chats. Just merely accompanying him. I know, it's hard for him to make such a decision. And I can't help much either. I feel kinda guilty. Coz, all these while, he so help me out but I can't help him. Haiz. So cham, that I can't help him. Wanna make him happy also hard. So now, I'm accompanying him only. Boring. But, I also feel sad for him. Well,~~~~~~ I have nothing to say already. Good night all.

Online friends I really cared about.

2008-08-21T22:06:00.002+08:00

Although I quit Ran and all, there's still some friends I really cared bout in there. Till now.

For Example, my online lou dao. Now big zai lo. Know how to date girls already o~ But still, he asks opinion from an amature of love - me - sweat rite. Haha, I can't believe he kept a secret from me. Which is, he already pak toh. I mean, Hello~!? I already quit Ran, I won't say a word bout it. Even if i did, I'm talking to a stranger who don't know who the heck are you. LOlz! OK, enough, I had to keep his secret anyways. If I keep talking more bout it, he'll curse me. He don't even let me say this secret to a cat. See, how he felt. LOlz~

Next, my kor. Actually, I call him "kor" not because of him initially. But because of her Gf. Well, ex-Gf now. She was my initial jie. Then he paktoh with her, and leads me to call him kor. Today, I sms-ed him. He said his eyes pain again. Haiz. What happen to your eyes kor?? Always like that pain. His ex-Gf's name is WaiWai. I know the whole love story between them. But not at the end. Kor at first don't know if he should love her or not. Because WaiWai is 1 year older than him. But, they were together still. WaiWai say kor very leng zai de. But I haven't got the chance to see him till now. I don't know the causes that made them break up. Even kor. But I wished 1 day, they'll find each other again. And kor's eyes be better lo. +u+u Kor

Dad's home

2008-08-21T21:58:00.002+08:00

Yupz, My dad is home now. As usual, there's nothing happy or sad or what. It's not the first time or the 2nd time or the 3rd time he went to overseas. In fact, he went to Papua New Guinea when I was in primary school. If not mistaken, standard 3. That time when we went to the airport to sent him overseas, yea, whole of the family cried. But not that much during the 2nd time he went overseas. So it's nothing new. Just normal home sweet home.

Well, not exactly. He ordered me to cook maggie mee for him and make a cup of milo for him. Which it was quite lazy for me to do anything. As long as he's anywhere, he always got a free "maid", or not-free maid - a servant- du-uh. Anyways, his business/job always sliding way low. Thought it will be a better change, but still not coming through our minds. haha. Not that I'm complaining or what, it's just something we longed all this while. Well, at least he's home. Not to mention, alot of chocolates. XD

What our country needs

2008-08-20T18:29:00.003+08:00

http://harismibrahim.wordpress.com/2008/08/18/dear-anwar/#comment-22102

Link to this. This is what we Malaysians want. The "letter" may be a little too problematic to read as it involves many tough words which I myself won't be able to understand too. But for the main message, you will know what's the main message in this "Dear Anwar" that is trying to be pass on to Anwar. As I read finish this letter and read those comments, I felt like crying. Everyone's hopes are on Anwar now. He must bring us hope. In changing Malaysia, our country, a better beautiful place to live in without classifying bumiputras and non-bumiputras. In turning out all those who fight for their selfishness and not thinking about others. In the existence of no race-base education, like a practical example UiTM. May Anwar has this chance to read this letter. So that he knows what Malaysians truly wants and not making the same mistakes what past leaders have made.

Save Malaysia!

Avril Lavigne concert CANCELED!

2008-08-20T18:00:00.003+08:00

This must be a super heartbreak for Avril's fan. Yupz, the concert is canceled. According to those who canceled it, they commented that such type of rock and punk concert is not suitable to be held in the Merdeka period. The concert is supposed to held on Aug29. But of course, it's been canceled. So.. so long Avril~

My sister wanna go to Avril's concert too. She begged my mum but my mum don't let. Because of the price. Yup, of course.. They said that this type of concert will have bad influences on youngsters, which is NOT! LOlz. It's just a liking towards an idol. Well, that's what youngsters today do. =.=' However, Because of bad influences, that's why it's been canceled? It seems quite ridiculous to me. National Day will be National Day. Concert will be Concert. There's nothing that could clash together. They should be more open about this stuff anyways.

Solved after soo long and i'm finally truly felt so free!

2008-08-20T14:29:00.004+08:00

There's this problem in my heart and I finally solved it. Well, after running away from it for 4months+. I thought I can forget about it. And feel less of those anger. But when my online lou dao reminds me of it, it makes me angry and sick. This matter haven't been forgotten. I wanna say it out loud and tell everyone. At first, I quit ran most probably because of friends. 君子交绝，不出恶声。 But I just certainly can't control myself. It's like hiding in my heart all these while. But today, from today onwards, there's no such things bothering me anymore. I wanna make a clean go. And now, I can concentrate on planning my life ahead. Life is not just games. There's more to life. And I love to live in reality more than a stupid game. For the life ahead, I will cheer, I will remember the past as it thought me lessons, I will take a chance to prove to myself, that I am strong enough to face what I faced in reality. The past will never be alive again under my care. Be Strong to Face What Reality Gives! Gambate Jolene!

Pressure aren't on you!

2008-08-19T17:40:00.002+08:00

It makes me kinda sick when I heard that people in school making bad statements bout Lee Chong Wei. Not only them, but also the public, which I heard from my mother. They said CV played till his pants drop and was a bad badminton player.

OK. First things first, all of them are just wishing, or should i say "relying on CV" to get a Gold medal in the Olympics games. But none of them really understand what's the process of undergoing these so much pressure. He lost may be caused by pressure. Not only he himself casting pressure on himself. But also the public and the media. He carries such a large burden on his shoulder and yet, who can he share with? He may have lost because of the pressure we're pushing on him. I admitted, I have high hopes for him. So does everyone else. This may be the cause for him to fail in this game.

So, the game was done. And he lost. But, bad statements about him should be abolished. Instead, why aren't we supporting the only Malaysian that made his way into the finals and got a Silver medal after 8years of medal starve in Malaysia? Because we humans are greedy creatures. So greedy till we run others down and blame them for all the lost. When will human be non-selfish?

Biology 3xtra class~

2008-08-19T17:01:00.002+08:00

Today, I reached school. I thought at least there's some classmates were waiting already. Out of my expectation, there's none. I was alone there even though there's some other class students. I waited and waited, still nobody came. Then there's SuYeh and WeiSiong came already. Chat with them awhile...then every1 came and the door opened too.

It's quite boring in class. All I can think of is Sleeping. Because it's really making me sleeping.

Finally! RECESS TIME~ I and Mermaid and Colin and Pkeng and Rojak went to Jusco Kepong. While in the bus, a conductor seemed to pay alot of attention of Colin~ FuYoh.~ Haha. It's quite a laughter for us. Because we keep making fun of Colin. It was my first time in Jusco Kepong. I never been there before. We decided to eat at Mary Brown. I ordered Chick-o-licious. Yummy~ Haha.. It's mushroom gravy chicken with french fries. But i ate till very full after that.

12.10pm. OmiGod! Promised teacher that we'll be back at 12.30pm. To our surprise, we met the same conductor. wakakkakakakka. Congrats Colin~ haha.. Colin and Pkeng were the first to saw him. Actually, I don't remember how he looks like. But Colin remembered~ *wink* =P Ya' know what i mean~ Haha

Went back school and of course we're late. Went back to boring lessons.

Off at 3pm. Hooray~ At first, I was thinking of walking home with mermaid and Colin. But as WeiQuan came and offered us a ride, I sat on his car and went to the bus stop. Well, only me rode his car. Because I need to rush for the bus. I hate reaching home late because of the stupid hot weather. On his car, there's LM and JL too. They were going to Cybercafe. So, no bird. Wakakak. Good thing, I managed to catch up U23 and U21 arrived quick. And tata I'm going home. Lolz.

By the way, stupid pear took my calculus notes. And I can't revise. Help! Although it's kinda BAD of him, I don't feel angry. In contrast, I felt honoured. LOlz! Stupid yea, I know. All I can do is to revise from the text book which is thick but useless. LOLz! Just hope he wins la~ XD

Holiday Movi3s

2008-08-18T21:45:00.003+08:00

Bored to stay alone at home. Even the PC doesn't seem to be attractive anymore ever since i quit Ran. And Xdo sometimes bored me out too.

What can be done in this whole boring day?~

Movies~ Good thing there's something called TV. So pleased someone invented it. Haha. HBO and Astro channel 322 to watch some movies. I watched bout 3 movies. Which i watch first i really don't remember.

The first 1 i remember. It's "Evan Almighty". Talking bout a politician just been chosen to be a congressman. He prayed to God that he could change everyone's life. His wife, prayed for the whole family to be closer. It's a comedy. The God came true. And he asked the politician to build an ark(boat) as he predicted that a flood was about to come. However, the politician finds it hard and difficult as his wife and family slowly felt something crazy bout this guy. =D But fortunately, they came and everyone helped to build the boat and so the flood came but everyone are safe, including the animals~ Yea~ Haha. Anyways, the main reason i liked the story is because some good statements. "If you ask god to make your family closer, it gives you the opportunity to get close to each other. It won't fall from the sky just like that" and "Act of a Random Kindness from random times" Love both of those =)

Next, another comedy and a little love story. There's this girl, named Vivian, she was cheated by her Bf. Her Bf went to find other girl that was so pro in "chai mui". This makes Vivian to learn how to "chai mui" so that she can fight back with Mango (that girl who's pro in chai mui). She learned with this pub boss, which was a divorcee. So like that, they talk bout their love story and how they won Mango. Nice show. Romantic ma =D

Last show i watched today was I-don't-know-what-name. LOlz. I seriously don't know what was it's name. But it's a meaningful story. Both divorcee, with many children, fell in love together and decided to stay under the same roof. At first, all the children don't like each other and fought over matters. Sometimes, I watched this type of movies and i don't know why i cried. =.=' Not saying it's touching or sad or whatever, but I just cry!! LOlz. Stupid ya.

Tomorrow, I had to go to school. For the Biology extra classes. I am feeling so lazy right now. And I don't feel like going either. I had to take the bus again. So tiring. But what to do? I must study still...

Love much?!

2008-08-17T22:46:00.002+08:00

August now. How long it had been? 5 months have passed. So has the contact with ZhiHao lost bout 5months. It's so stupid. I can't believe after these 5months, I sms-ed him to ask some stupid tennis question then click*. Still like him la. But what to do? Nothing can do. Just merely friends! OK? JUST merely FRIENDS! Remind myself that! I must remember that! Missed he talked to me that way. Sms-ed me that way, chat with me that way. I missed them all. But yet i hate them all at once too! I thought I was over him already!! I can't believe myself!!! Slap SLAP!!!!! OK! enough! I need to give myself more time first.. Break time. I think it's still not suitable to talk with him now. I'm still mentally not prepared.

Boring Choir Competition.. Sleep....

2008-08-17T22:21:00.002+08:00

Today 7am woke up. Why? It's a Sunday and school holiday too. Why the @#$%^& I need to wake up this @#$%^& early??!(XD) Because of this boring Choir competition that we didn't even take part. =.=' Whole choir got 110+ members and only 50+ went. And it's so boring. I swear won't go to this type of competition again! Not after I at least got a report to write and pass to them. lolx. Anyways, there's room for next year again. I think I need to write 2 reports next year. 1 for the first semester and second for the 2nd semester

7am wake up. As usual, take bath change clothes and jump into my mum's car and off we go~ 8.15am was the time to meet at the Kong Chen Hall. I sms-ed WJun. No reply geh?! So i waited for her there. Mana tau, she actually reached earlier than me and was visiting the Change Shape Lake(direct translation from Mandarin lol.)

We reached there. But due to the so late-ness of the bus drivers, the competition started. Thinking it will be exciting, it felt quite boring even the 1st to 2nd songs. Felt like Zombies. XD~ Skip all that! Ya' know, I don't have time to get bored writing bout those stuff again. I can't stand it either.

The only thing FUN was when going back to school~~~~~ Yeah~ Other than our boringness can be cured, I felt actually choir is like a big family. Everyone are so HOT~ LOlz~ I meant passionate to each other. Such as XinMei, when talking with her, it's like talking with Mermaid. Very fun to talk with and don't mind too much. We sat on the bus and Winnie suggested singing songs. OK, let's sing. BUT... all Chinese songs =.=" you know, I have low knowledge bout Chinese song. It went out well anyways.They were fun.

We reached school. I phoned my mum and asked her where was she. She told she just bout to get out of the house. WalaoEh~ it's scary to wait in the school. LOlz~ But then the choir gang suggested go to Mutiara to WAG. XD However, I WAG not long la. Just drank finish a glass of cold MILO and then run to the A1 bus stop there. My mum was just bout to turn~ Lucky me~! But rugi LOrh~! RM2 for a milo. No time to get the change. I gave to WJun so that she helped me pay after i left.

And so, THE END~ =P Starting to like choir. Well, i liked it last year. But not the beginning of this year. Because we had to stay up till 6pm every Tuesday and the coach was kinda long gas. Haha. But, we can't blame her. She don't want her hard work to be wasted just like that. I ought to think bout her side of view first. =)

So Long for the Gold medal~

2008-08-17T21:59:00.002+08:00

Just watched the badminton games. And, referring to the title, you know Malaysia lost. But we had the silver medal. *Ch33r!*~ Great Game Lee Chung Wei! Don't give up yea!

So, It was quite disappointing. Lin Dan is a d@mn great player! He takes opportunity when CW fell down to get the ball. Then, *Boom!* 1 mark gone! lolx~ For me, Lin Dan is quite handsome. Haha. Don't say my taste bad, He got muscle k? =P

I thought they 6.30pm start to compete (I heard this from the choir group). But when I ask CZ to tell me the latest results after the competition, she said it's 8.45pm start. And, 1 more thing so FISH! I thought she went to Taiping to see Pear compete today. But then, haiz! BAI WU LONG tim! Apparently, she didn't go, and not even deciding to do that. I asked her for the latest results. But she sms-ed me saying.."How would I know. Go ask him la." Wa swt! I think she's starting to suspecting something..... Anyways, suspect as you like. It will be just like a scandal and forget everything bout it about..hmm..2months? =.=" By then, we will be busying studying~ Who cares?~

Back to the topic, 1 more thing to be happy of. Although CW lost, It's so great to have Chinese as the top 1 and 2 badminton players in the whole wide world. Go Chinese Go! Chinese RuleX~ =)

Emotional Play Game between Frenz

2008-08-15T17:42:00.003+08:00

That CZ finally talked to me. Not that i wanted. But, if we still can be friends, then it's OK for me too. However, the story doesn't stop there. Why? Because Sk33zer CZ is an emotional freak. Like it's her own problem but she can make it everyone's problem too. She gives out those ugly black face to people. And she only thinks about herself, not other's feelings. So the proofs are :

We don't know what bomb she ate, and she's a d@mn freaking crazy emotional freak.

Well, yesterday, she asked me to pass down the "return school" slip to the first row students. But some of them didn't know that we need to tear half of the paper and share. Today, she shouted my name "Jolene, 你有没有传下去第一排的？！做么酱多人没拿到？！" And I was feeling, "D***! I got passed down la! You didn't say need to tear half how do other people know?" And then I overheard that she said "看到在白板上写什么，又不问是什么纸！" Wa, so sweating! Like this type of lame excuse also can come out of her mouth. Because of this, I was in no mood during Biology period. I can't stand not telling anything about this. So, I whisper to LM and say "Stupid CZ!"
4th period, It's time to go to the auditorium to watch "The Sixth Sense". CZ and mermaid said Colin was too slow and they went up first. I decided to wait for Colin. After all, it's better to sit and wait with that thing. While waiting for Colin, LM and CV(Watermelon) came up to me. LM told me that CV told him Colin also scolded CZ. Colin was angry at her cause of CZ's attitude too. That black face attitude.
LM just jokingly asked CZ not to be so black face. But that CZ talk also didn't talk then turned away. HAH! See how she back away when LM got CV already. (I've heard from LM that CZ liked him before also....just "heard"~ But no doubt, with this type of flower girl, it's not hard to say it's true)

It's not like I want to take part in this game. But I have other frens like mermaid and Colin too. CZ is not going to stand in the way either.

Finally??!

2008-08-15T17:20:00.003+08:00

It's so hilarious when I say that I wanna give up on pear and then... I don't feel like giving up. LOLx! Next thing, I hate the fact that I finally got the courage to press his msn display name and well, not exactly chat..but leave a message. A message saying " Xxx , gimme back calculus notes on Tuesday. Need to study. " Stupid right? At least a lame excuse to "chat" with him. He haven't reply yet. His msn wrote there "away". More updates later if he really did reply me. If not, then forget bout it. LOlx!

"Take ONE STEP AT A TIME.
There's no need to rush.
It's like learning to fly
or FALLING IN LOVE
It's gonna happen and it's
supposed to happen that we
find the reason why."

Jordin Sparks - One Step At A Time

Happy Bday pear!

2008-08-14T17:18:00.003+08:00

Today is my pear's bday! Hooray!!

OK la. nothing to say. haiz! Sien sometimes.
Maybe should let go of pear.
Must control myself.
Focus on my studies first!
No mood to write blog today.
I don't have anything to write either.
Just feeling bored.

Congrats Pear!

2008-08-13T17:34:00.002+08:00

Pear just got chosen by the teacher yesterday. I asked him today. Good thing. =P At least his hardworking has not been wasted. 加油加油 pear! Take a champion back yea! Best wishes!

Anyways, tomorrow is his birthday. But, of coz, he has to go for practice the whole day either. =.="

"Big" very Suprising bday present......-.-'

2008-08-13T17:18:00.002+08:00

Just a day after my birthday, I got a present from the government. Come congrats me~ lol.

"Tahniah kerana kena NS."

XD! swt! Haha. Initially, I don't like NS cause of some bad reports that always revolves around NS students. Rape cases, Murder cases. And i bet the food isn't good either. Once, my online friend told me that even the NS warden is mean to chinese girl students, prejudice against chineses, making statements like "gatal", "miang" on them. When i heard about this, I felt angry and disgust against this NS. How can such a program teach their people about unity??

Then, YiMiin keep saying it's very fun and can take money too~ I think I should give it a try. But yet, it depends on luck too. If I'm lucky, I can get to go to somewhere lesser malays, like Ipoh. And i'll accept Sabah and Sarawak too. Why? Because I never been to Sabah and Sarawak before. Free plane ticket eh. lolz! Why must I depend on luck too? Well, one of my classmates said that his don't know who unluckily went to Kelantan camp, which is full of malays. He said the students over there always make fun of her. And even molested her when the electricity is cut off. =.=" So, it depends on luck. Please give me a good place please!!

I can't wait to tell my mum. I think she'll freak out anyways. haha. what to do? I can't run away from it either. By the ways, tahniah to HY, Chester, JL, edwin, YiMiin, and many others! Hope we are in the same camp. ><"

The best luck for You

2008-08-12T17:15:00.002+08:00

So, Pear wrote in his msn not because he's not chosen. But because he hurt his leg. I got this info from LM. And today, they will announce who will be competing. I haven't got the chance to ask him yet. Just hoping he can get through and compete.

And i will give the best wishes to you. Even if you're not chosen by the teachers. Cause' there are many chances in life. Most importantly, Take care of your health.

BDaY bIgDay

2008-08-12T16:44:00.003+08:00

Yeah~ Today's my big day~ When i reached school today, everybody so pretend geh! ><" There that HY la and colin, mermaid all.. =.=' ming2 know is my bday today, all pretend don't know. Even "Happy Birthday" also don't have.. But, I sure know there's something la. the more quiet the more big surprise ma. LOlz!

4th period, Colin and Pkeng and mermaid came to my place. They gave me a present and a birthday card. Very pretty. i opened that present already. It's a snoopy dog. haha.. Then HY gave me 4 pears, and wrote 生日快乐 on it. It was very cute. Haha.. But alittle TOO obvious jor. Like Watermelon sure know who i like already. And mermaid also guessed correct too, but i haven't confess la. OMg! LOlz! But I'm happy. Thx very much o HY!~ =P I love your present until dare not eat jor. haha

Reached home and i online. This online lou dao just scared me. =.=" He suddenly biao bai to me. LOLz! But actually he joke de la. because it's my birthday. LOlz! SO damn scare me already. hahaha. ya' know la, I loyal to my pear geh~ XD!

Thx for remembering my bday. and all those present. Love you all ^^

BOokS mUCh?!!

2008-08-11T17:34:00.003+08:00

Last period, and then the discipline teacher announced that we need to take our books back. Normally, there's nothing. But, they said they will order prefects to check each class. And if found out keeping books in drawer...Ya' know... =P So, it's kinda rush! I didn't expect them to check so fast. Not to mention, IT'S RAINING! How do you expect me to take so many books in the rain?? ><' I managed to throw them in the class's cupboard and went home. Taking the bus was quite easy. I don't have to wait till 5pm. Bout 4.30pm i reached home and went for exercise.

O-Ya, i ate salad in the school today. BUT, YUCKS! The mayo has became dilute because it accidentally mixed with the vege's water. So, It's hard to eat. But i think it's healthy. Haha. Next time must separately put the mayo in the other tupperware. I went on a low carb-diet today but i liked it.

When you like some1, that is how we feel??

2008-08-11T17:24:00.004+08:00

Bout days i didn't see pear already.. He went to practice. Last week, he told me that he maybe won't be able to compete in the competition. Because, they will choose only some of them to compete. Tomorrow is my birthday, and i think: "Haiz, my birthday but pear is unable to accompany me. Or maybe just stay in the class for 1 day." I reached home at 4.30pm. I on msn. And he wrote on his personal message: "一个星期努力的结果 ...Haiz..." At that moment, I felt so selfish. All I want is him to accompany me. Now, my wish is granted, but not his wish. =( kinda regret too.. Just hoping he won't feel too sad. He always wanted to play basketball and compete in competitions. But don't worry, there's much more chances in life. I believe you are able to capture them! Have faith in yourself k? This chance just haven't knock on your door. But it doesn't mean others too. Gambate!!!

Lazy-ness!

2008-08-10T21:42:00.002+08:00

I began to become lazy. In my studies. I starting to feel boring bout studying. And my homework haven't done yet. I managed to finish my calculus anyways. But my composition haven't finish. It looks like I've writing this blog more than my essays. haha.. so.. blogs make my studies drop huh? ><" But i really starting to like blogs. I can write whatever i think at that moment and without even care bout grammar problems. haha. You can't get that while you're writing essays. =P never mind, I guess being lazy at the time being won't be that long. there's bunch of exams to face next month! I think i can get up again...

Sick! T.T!

2008-08-10T21:25:00.005+08:00

This has been going for bout 2 days. i can't eat i can't swallow. And it's making me going NUTS!! >"< call =".="><" I've been eating porridge yesterday and today morning and night. It felt kinda bored. But for my bday, I MUST BE PATIENCE! ><" (12 Aug) Well, not exactly i will celebrate on that day, coz my mum say it's bad luck celebrating on the ghost's month. Actually, she's just making excuses to wait for her hubby to return and celebrate with her. hahaha. on Aug15, my didi will be 1 yr old!! Congrats small brat! Happy birthday to Bryan!!! But you are so naughty... ><" why can't u just be a Baby ><"

I went to see a doctor today. He said that I have thoncer...*sore throat.. But something strange... that is I don't feel feverish.. Just pain. OuCh ><" he advised me to drink more water. Hello??! I've been drinking a cow this morning. Not to mention, visiting the toilet more than 10 times in just only the mornings. ><" Haven't count afternoon and night. haha. I drank 3cups of honey and 2 cups of water. who won't visit that toilet more often? ><"

OLympIc!

2008-08-10T21:05:00.002+08:00

Aug8 was Olympic Open Ceremony. Well, I can't exactly online at night and rarely could on weekends. Because, normally, My mum don't give, and weekends i have to go to my new house in Seri Kembangan. But today, my sister said...or should i say lied... that she had to go to a party organized by her friend near where she's staying. The thing she lied about is, It's not near her house. lol. She went out to meet her online friends with her online bf.

OK, back! Aug8 08 Fun!! =P Other than LM's bday, the open ceremony was beautiful. Well, at first. =P they used alot of Fireworks. Wow! The bird nest is quite cute. But my mum said it's funny. hahaha. Anyways, i like the part when they formed the word "HE" means unity in chinese using blocks of i dunno what. XD then there's traditional dress worn before dynasties ago. And puppet. You know, like all those chinese opera's people, but in puppet. =.=" It seems like I'm talking nonsense. Haha. And the ear-piercing singing sang by a chinese and an european girl on a sphere, which is so hurting our ear drums (only the girl's singing), drawing using human bodies, the pigeon with many many people... many eunaches.. At least i think they are eunach(tai4 jian4) =P.

And come to the Boring part... all the participants form the countries all around the world walked out... so boring... felt like wanna sleep. haha. When it annouced Malaysia, OMG! so ugly! white sarong and black shirt walking out. so throw face. hahaha.. =P It's true wert. When it reached 9.30pm, my mum ordered me to change the channel, it's time for her opera show..also mine. =P I didn't manage to see the huo ju.. My friends say it's boring. Cause, all the fun part are in front. haha.

Anyways, Hope Malaysian win! +U+U Gambate!

Pear.......

2008-08-08T18:18:00.001+08:00

Stupid pear.. I just said wanna give up on you. Then why you keep looking at me leh??!! =.=' Don't make me misunderstand k? =.=' I scared i will like you again. ADOI! ><"

LM's WATERMELON BDAY!!!!!!

2008-08-08T18:06:00.004+08:00

080808 a very special day not only because it is the starting of Beijing Olympic Games, but also LM's bday! Happy b-day LM! Anyways, he's not reading this blog now. XD...

Can't believe I and LM can be good friends. All because of LaoMei (form teacher), that's how I can talk to him friendly now. Before knowing him, he seemed like a quiet boy, sitting with my pear. XD! But now, I really can't believe what I'm seeing. He's actually quite crazy. Although he is quiet during class. I thought he's busying listening to teacher. MANA TAU, he's day-dreaming. hahaha. Btw, I helped him to confess his feelings to Watermelon (now his gf) by helping him choose what type of present to give her. =)

OK. Back to the topic. Today, he reached school quite early. I saw him walking to class. So i walked faster to chased after him. Then he told me Watermelon asked him to come early today. ShuYan saw him running away from her because LM scared ShuYan will play a fool on him. XD After he came back from the canteen, everyone cut the watermelon (NO, i mean real watermelon =.=') Haha. LM big boy already. He knows how to paktoh now. XD! 2nd recess, the gang from 5sRen come again. They carried him to their class and started drawing on his upper body. 西瓜报国 is on his body. hahaha...

Happy Birthday LM! Hope you and Watermelon happy 4ever =P

Mature thinkings =P

2008-08-08T17:58:00.002+08:00

I've realized that I've been quite good girl nowadays. Ever since writing this blog and exercise, I totally don't have time to play games! Such as SDOx. I didn't touch it like almost a week already. I know i have been a good girl now. XD! Plus, i can help my mum do some house chores. Normally, I lazy like pig then always give mum scold =.=" true confession time. wakaka... Don't see me as the girl next door k? You may be wrong. Haha..

1 more thing happened when i started writing this blog. Other than slightly improving my english grammar mistakes and spelling problems, I have become more aware about what's happening around me. Such as, small matter. Know why? Because I must find something to write in this blog. =P If not, I won't maintain this blog till like almost a month now. hehe. =) Writing blogs really make my life more interesting.

That JL Again....

2008-08-07T17:48:00.001+08:00

Again JL feel so depressed over things that ... haiz =.=' he decided to have a party at his house. But his invitation to the whole class doesn't seem to attract any attention. Then he simply think things again. Summore write in the blog as if he will be mature. XD Anyways, not my business. LOL!

Just busying study biology. tomorrow we will have an exam on variation and 1 more chapter i forget what's it's name is.. XD! bout genetic engineering la. keke.

Predictable

2008-08-07T17:39:00.000+08:00

9th period ti yu period again. Bout CZ, mermaid decided to team up with me. I've predicted that anyways. It's so obvious that CZ will do this. What she wants to do is 1. sabotage me in front of mermaid and colin. 2. switch teams with mermaid or colin because i'm not good in volley ball. 3. Act like she's so great in sabotaging me (This i write for my own..can't think of another reason yet...but it's quite true =P ) Anyways, today i went to the toilet. And saw her just changed her clothes. I said "hi" politely but she didn't say anything. Rude much. Even if you don't like me, doesn't mean you can be like that. And by the way, you may not be right talking bout me. Anyways, i know how to react next time. thanks for teaching me, sk33z3r! today's volleyball exam.. 5 marks.. wakakkakka. =P predictable too. wakkaka

Stupid p3ar

2008-08-07T17:34:00.000+08:00

stupid pear. make me angry nia.. actually not his fault la, but still feel it's his fault. what to do~? =P who ask you not to choi me?? ><" Then summore only choi SM.... T.T! so sad.... cRY!!!!!!!! then this JL ar, keep threatening me... say wat say i like him. haiz! better know dunwan to tell him jor. Anyways, feel like to give up on him jor. wakakkakakkakakakak..still no very deep feelings yet, so it's ok to give up. keke...

Exercise 4 life

2008-08-06T18:24:00.002+08:00

Just now about 4.20 pm, i was jogging like hell. XD erm.. let me do the maths, 16x4 = 54. 54/2 = 27. 27 rounds i ran today. felt proud~ XD cause, normally it's just merely 20 rounds. After running, that's not the end. I need to do sits up and exercise in the CLEO magazine. It wrote there "Get the body you want in 1 month" who will not kena cheat leh? hahaha. Anyways, it's worth a try.

I WANNA BE SLIM BECAUSE THEN PEAR WILL WANT ME!!~ YIPPES~ lolz~ no lah. Joking only. I don't work out for guys! I work out for myself! Other than getting a good and healthy body, my 1st aim is ABLE TO WEAR MANY MANY TYPES OF CLOTHES IN THE FUTURE! +u+u myself!! Not to be lazy! everyday at least 1hour exercise except Tuesday (society...Only thing i can do is to eat lesser that day) =.='

PEAR or not to pear?

2008-08-06T18:24:00.001+08:00

Nowadays, he seldom talk to me. I don’t know why. Maybe he’s just like that. Sometimes kinda rude to me too =.= well, He didn’t promise me anything. Now I’m starting to react like JL. Damned! =.=” I feel that he knows bout my secret -- liking him Du-uH =.=’ Again, maybe I think too much. Sometimes wanna give up too. Hahaz. I felt so stupid. Anyways, let it be. Whatever feelings come, just take a deep breath and let it go. It may not come true anyways. =P.I rather that the LIKE feeling will slowly subside too.. It won’t be too hurt. =)

Tmr's big news

2008-08-06T18:23:00.001+08:00

Next, bout tomorrow, pendidikan jasmani class again. + exam volleyball with that CZ. Bout days I didn't talk to her. But that doesn't mean we're back k? I just don't feel like talking to her. Mermaid yesterday and today seemed quite different. Maybe because i left without them after school. I was angry coz they didn't leave a space for me in the auditorium. And I think they FINALLY knew how i felt. Yeah, I am angry. But mainly not at you all. So, don't worry.

JL's B-day

2008-08-06T17:49:00.000+08:00

Today JL's Bday. he yesterday so no mood...'cause scared everybody will talk bad bout him. Actually, sometimes he thinks too much. Only know how to think bout negative things. He should let it go more easily. Everything will turn out smooth. Try thinking it optimistically. Due to his down mood, LM also felt insulting for the class monitor when JL say that she (the person who make the card) was being unfair to him. Well, if it's me, I will surely felt angry too.

Anyways~ Luckily things turn out well. His friends ADUBA JL during the 2nd recess and wrote many many words on his body...opps..*upper body..XD! wrote things such as 尽忠报国. Hahaz. During chinese period, ShuYan gave him the water bottle witch had the whole class' congrats for today is his birthday. And he said he's happy. Told you that -.-" but anyhow~ Zen wrote him on the bday card that he's a gay lou. then he sad again... SWT! hopefully he's not boh song-ing Zen la. People just kidding LOL

Stupid LM

2008-08-04T17:05:00.001+08:00

haiz~~~~~~ Today no more secret blog jor... all because of LM... haiz~~ All because i ter-comment in his blog.. and i don't want anybody to see my blog, especially ShuYan and Pear...T.T if not i sure fish finish d. haiz.. But.. Must Fish in front of this LM... Nothing can do jor.. T.T!

stupid LM, see finish don't laugh ar. Don't tell anybody ar.. Delete my comment ar..T.T! and don't remember my blogspot address! if not ar... AHem you'll see....=P AND DON'T LAP SOK ME WITH THIS BLOG AR =.=' no face give 1 ar. Dunwan to fren u d XD~!

Me vs Yun? =.="

2008-08-04T16:59:00.000+08:00

Swt. Today the whole class went NUTS during chemistry period... all say i and Yun. Whatever scandal they can say la......... swt rite?~ haha.. Anyways, It's quite fun la.. BUT NOT TRUE =.=' joking joking then make the whole class feels happy can already. How can you don't feel happy when you get all the spotlight? =P LEOs are like that, they like attention geh... LM hor? xD!

Today watch Baby's Day Out again. Got nice view in front of me... Pear ma... XD~ even if it's a boring show oso will be happy.. 'cause got beautiful scenery leh! A.A

Cannot tahan D

2008-08-04T16:51:00.000+08:00

I cannot stand them anymore! Just because they have more people standing at her side doesn't mean I'm completely wrong! Just because you all listen to her story doesn't mean I'm wrong either! I asked colin, and she don't want to tell me either. So nvm la! If I'm really that wrong, then just tell me straight to my face ok? Don't backstab me, you backstabber CZ! Skeezer! Now, i asked and nobody tell me the answer. So frustrated d. zzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, 1 more thing to tell BACKSTABBER CZ.
I DON'T MIND FAILING MY PENDIDIKAN JASMANI K!

Fur slaughtering?? OMg

2008-08-03T22:26:00.000+08:00

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are fur slaughtering?? that's like so disgusting! Imagine yourself being tore apart from your skins to your bones? Don't they feel the pain?

The Olsen twins, not bad looking right? Actresses in their name. But how possibly they would start their hands on poor innocent, not to mention cute animals??? Again, in CLEO i read this evening, I can't believe that peoples slaughtering animals just for furs. All the cute innocent animals! Not to mention, we, humans are animals too. -.-' I'm talking nonsense but hiding it's sense somehow too. Try thinking bout it!

Anyways, August 16 is HOMELESS ANIMAL DAY~~ Go SPCA and adopt 1 cute cuddly little animal home~ =) (And august 12 for cute JQin's birthday~ hahax)

Diet Tips~

2008-08-03T22:13:00.000+08:00

I scan through this magazine, known as CLEO and found great tips bout diet~ yeah~ you know larhx~ dieting whert. haha.

Use music as motivation
Set firm goals
Super salad
Escape the gym
Sweat it out at interval training
Up the protein
Diet is 70% battle
It's all about the weights
Have a small entree
Mix it up
Keep it consistent
Get inspired
Food swap
Invest in a personal trainer
Ditch takeaway
Avoid injury
Don't give up
Variety is the key
Trick your body into exercise
Challenge yourself
Stay hydrated
Read nutrition labels carefully
Make your timetable flexible
Stretch out
Make friends with Mr.Salad
Team up with a friend
Change your food mentality
Add protein
Jump for life
Funk up your workout
Watch portions
Cut down on alcohol
Do pilates
Lift weights
Eat fruit
HIIT is good
Try low GI
Kick the carb habit
Get online support
DIY training
Add spice

Those in purple means that proved it works.. Currently will upload every week after proved it does works. =P

Crazy Piece of S***

2008-08-03T22:06:00.000+08:00

I soooo feel like to confront colin, and ask her if CZ really tat boh song me. But i didn't. Part of it is because I dun have the time and the other part is...i feel so stupid and lame. maybe i should confront her face to face. I want to know her expression. Some part of it, I feel like just forget bout it. I don't feel like telling everyone how i feel. Haiz. Can't decide but anyhow, be free~ feel free. If you're not at guilt, you don't have to be sorry right?

JUST BE MYSELF

那种感觉是多么美好 - 如果天天都能看到你的眼神

2008-08-01T17:57:00.000+08:00

英文节，老师叫我们到新讲堂去看戏-BABY'S DAY OUT。

进去新讲堂，很暗很暗。哈哈，的确实很好笑。我看见他正认真地看著戏，很喜欢他认真的样子，潇洒极了。当然，当他看到好笑的部分时，他也笑了起来，好可爱，好喜欢呃。偷偷看着你的眼神，眼里是这么的专心，就好象融在你的怀抱中，好幸福的感觉哦！就算在很远的地方远视你，但仍然是个美好的风景。因为你很美，真的很美。=P 那种感觉真的是无法形容，但很开心！

=PATIENCE!!!!!!!=

2008-08-01T17:38:00.000+08:00

Stupid damned CZ! ok.. fresh out... calm down girl, calm down.. let's talk bout it now.... yesterday, 9th period, our exercise(ti yu) period, I and CZ were paired up (not that I wanted. Yanny don't want to pair up with her. So she teamed with me..YUCKS!) practicing volleyball together. She asked me not to hit the ball too hard, ok, i listen, i tried not to hit that hard. Well, if you can't hit hard, you should hit near the net right? I told her too. It's easier to hit like that! Yanny also agreed! It's her problem when she can't cross the net. Then she liked boh song me later. zzz....

When I'm on my way to the toilet, I saw mermaid, cyy and Pkeng talking with her on the stairs. She seemed like talking bad bout me. Well, OBVIOUSLY, cyy and mermaid change their attitude against me today. zzzzzz. how can CZ be so backstabber??! Just because you told them first doesn't mean that your right! And cyy? mermaid?? How can you all just listen to what she said?? HOW DISAPPOINTED I AM IN ALL OF YOU!! you all didn't even give me the chance to know.

1 more thing i'm starting to hate bout you this "gang". You only think about yourselves! You never taught of other people's feeling. Mermaid, You told me that Chester keep asking for sympathy and wanted everybody to feel sorry for him!! and you know what? that day i talked with him. He said he's feeling bored of always wanted to be just frens with you all bastards. just frens. and how you treated him?? There's this secret I wanted to tell you long ago. I FEEL THAT WAY TOO AND I HATE IT. That's why I know why chester feels that way!

For now, PATIENCE is the key. I'm so waiting for you all to disappear next year except cyy. At least she's much more mature than cz and mermaid kids!

Wonder if he's really had gaved up on her....

2008-08-01T17:27:00.000+08:00

Apologize (to myself) for unable to post yesterday.. My house's Internet seemed to be very slow yesterday and resulted in me unable to post my feelings... so this is what had took place yesterday:

Bear [guy in my class, quite fren with CY(the person pear liked before or like still..)] teased CY in front of pear. And then i saw pear laying on his desk. I wonder if he's just resting his eyes or felt depressed about it...? When i told LM bout his situation, LM went to his seat and asked him. Apparently, pear said that he had already gave up on CY. I dunno. maybe yes maybe no..

Well, I know every girls will really mind bout her crush's crush. I can't deny. Yes, i would say, I mind. But 1 thing told me to hang on - my heart. there's nothing you can say bout the future, nothing you can predict.. And I'll be much happier if I really did those effort for a better tomorrow. maybe it won't come true. But hard work will be my consolation prize.

so close!!! yet so far =.=

2008-07-30T16:36:00.000+08:00

I think...i make a new conclusion today.. I want to try my best to draw his attention to me. I totally have no idea if that will work.. but, my heart is pursuing me to take a try..take a try..make a change and have no regrets. I wonder...~?

well,~ according to today's title... what does this mean??!!~ lolz~ ok, story is:

This morning, i reached school later than usual (due to my young bro waking up so early, my mother was unable to do her housework chores, that's why we delayed the time we went out). Upon reaching the school, i thought that : wait! I might be able to walk with pear to class (because about 7am he'll reach school everyday.. that time then was 6.5x am). So, i was so nervous looking towards it when i reached school. I reached..and i walked... and then... i saw a bus in front of the school gates. I saw him! I saw him!! I saw him inside the bus about to make his move down the bus! BUT! i didn't have the intention to stop and wait 4 him to come down the bus, i chose to continue on my way to the class.(I don't want him to think that I'm having a crush on him! It'll like be so embarrassing! and,LM told me he won't speak to that person if she likes him...T_T..well, unless he like =.=). I made my way to the stairs and climbed up. I can't believe i just lost that opportunity to walk with him alone! OMG!! so close!! I wonder if that moment will repeat again....? I felt so...not satisfied.. I told my friend, HY, which sit beside me. She kinda...ask me to wait in the toilet till he reached and jump out and say "hi" =.=" so much for the plan...haha

Just Hoping 1 Day...

Somehow, giving up needs some time rite~? XD~

2008-07-29T16:44:00.000+08:00

I know, Anybody reading this will feel that i'm a totally,well, how to put this, hmm, out of my mind?? haha... ok..today's feeling and yesterday's feeling...kinda different.. didn't u heard that women change their minds easily?~ =P

Swearing that i will TRY to give up on pear, but... I really can't resist looking at him!!!!!!!!!!! erm, scan through him to be exact. Scan as if there's no CY that matter comes through before just like before I know about him liking CY. I know, reality IS reality~! But, i ought to have some time to totally get over him.

my friend told me that like some1 can happen in the nick of time, but trying to forget? try years larhx!!

YET, IT IS BEAUTIFUL TO DREAM SOMETHING
EVEN IF IT WON'T HAPPEN...
(or maybe will? XD)

矛盾生活 - 我很烦！

2008-07-28T17:02:00.000+08:00

Xxx，唉！唉唉唉唉！！！

我喜欢你，却很想放弃。你知道为什么吗？因为你喜欢CY，我很控制不了自己，不是说恨你，但我无法面对自己自作多情，以为你喜欢我，以为自己有机会，就是这么的想和你接触，但就是这么的难。现在，我不懂该不该继续喜欢你。觉得是不应该，却控制不了，我很讨厌！我很烦！如果我瘦了一点，你会考虑我妈？或至少，注意到我？

记得那天望着你惶惶的眼神，就像我每次乘机瞄了你一下那种眼神。你的声音，很实，很有安全感，很舒服，也是因为它，我喜欢了你。写着些该已没用了，你喜欢的是CY，我？就在那么远远的地方哭着。虽然你表白不成功，但你心里也没我，只好偷偷摸摸地看你，望你。愿有一天，你会注意咯，你会知道我是第一次那么喜欢一个人，我是说很喜欢的那种。至今，我看我只好默默看你那种眼神了，希望你会开心。

So dunno wat to do

2008-07-26T23:50:00.000+08:00

anybody can teach me?
haiz... pear ah pear... how can u be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo haiz... if u dun like me..pls dun play with my emotions, i'll be much better ya knoe??? 失单恋！！！

no matter next time how i try to lie myself over...i must remember how to face reality... cant afford another hurt in my heart ya know??

Chehhhhh~~~~~

2008-07-24T16:51:00.000+08:00

cheh!~ so that LM bluff me.. summore say "really really!" =.=' he lied that pear like somebody else =.=... make me so.........almost give up.........

this pear ar!! dunno wat's wit him! aaaaaaaaa!!! so hard to knoe wat guys thinking =.=! haha.. sweat rite~ =P

exams hooray~

2008-07-23T17:38:00.000+08:00

Hooray~ my Sejarah exam got the highest~ =P paid off all my hard work~ reading in the dark before sleeping...spoiling my eyesight =.= at least, i have good results~ so is my chemistry exams~ 33 over 40. not the highest but impressive ^^

actually, hard work only cost 25% of scoring...most importantly~ concentration during class~ which has a percentage of 70%~ what bout the 5% left?? well~ L-U-C-K!~ hahaha~

Try my best in doing exams~
+u+u myself!!!!
SPM SCORE A!