I had to start another new post. I can't help remembering bout the past.

1 day, sue and I were in Dewan Makan. The food is always the same same type of boring taste la. but I talked with her there. and the rain's pouring. I wonder how many buckets of tears shed on my face in the camp. mostly when i'm telling my feelings to her. We talked bout generally everything. Schools, anything happened in camp,health problems, friends, families and of coz, boys! XD~ literally everything. I remembered that time when we finished eating and dunno why this bunch of boys come and sing, dui mian de nv hai kan guo lai. I was so O.O!! sweat.. so paiseh... dunno them fa wat shen jing. literally, speecless. = = Then after taht, we shared the same umbrella and walk back to dorm. remember what we saw on the way home when the lightning's fight? well, I still don't know what is that. but it's not something unscary. haha. The drawing u drew.... is.....gone T.T!! shouldn't have washed it...

And huei ling. now she's doing cosmetics. aiyo u learn wat la, skin so white, even under the sun, only become red, won't become dark. so jealous luu. Anyways, her.... is here studying dunno wat computer-damn-long-name-programme. haha.. better u come here laa =D

Start school~

Starting in college is quite fun. especially when you knew friends during school/ in NS camp. But, now....i'm just at CITC killing time coz....my class's being cancelled and i had 2 hours break even before that. sweat. just no idea why i come here so early for just 1 class. i might as well skip it! =P *p/s: it's just a joke. i will never skip any of them...so scared scholarship boil soup...T.T

I saw him yesterday but he didn't see me. I dunno but maybe i should call it lucky. lolx. His approach made me remember bout frens in camp. Sue Finn.. aiyoooooo so miss you laaa... my 1st bff. It made me think of meeting her during this 2-weeks holidays.

Aiyoooo, those who were supposed to wake up and on msn please wake up and on msn larx! almost 10am jor still dunwan to wake up..= = sleep wat sleep la. faster online and pei me chat ma. lou dao arrr...so long din talk to u d... when i'm busy, bet u'll be free. when i'm free, u don't online...= =

Mixed Feelings..

Today is the day I am waiting for all these while. But I'm not sure what I really want. Today, I will get the results of my JPA PILN scholarship... Whether my application is accepted or not, all will be know at 3pm. However, I really don't know which I should i support.

I wish to get it, so that I can travel to other country. Of coz, the scholarship is free as well. So, everything would be easier for my family.

I don't wish to get it, cause, TARC, the college i'm going soon, are full with my friends. they're going on 11 May for A level/ 18 may for diploma. On the other hand, my mother will surely miss me.

But anyways, I think, there's no slot for me. It's quite hard to get this scholarship. just follow my destiny, my fate...

Unfair? Just live up to it if ur a citizen of this world...

It's unfair. We all know it's unfair, arising from races and religions.

That day, when i got that result, that's the day, i felt the unfairness here. When I was younger, I always thought races could live up to each other peacefully and harmoniously, And of course, treat us as 1 person, that is the citizens of this country. But, in reality, they sided 1 race, the favored them more than the other races.

What's the reason behind it? 2 person with different race, but the privilege is given to the less qualified other than the other one just because of racism? I can't see any reason behind it. Even the history doesn't covers this "privilege", so don't tell me that I didn't study History of my own country. But this is too much! As if they were trying to erase us off the map. But remember, in history, freedom were gained with the help of the all the three races, and not just one. Why is it so unfair? Anyways, there's 2 choice to be made.

1. Leave this country anyways. It's not about patriotism towards the country. but the politics are giving hecks to the citizens. Just learn those who went to Taiwan or other countries without having the need to bother coming back here. If I were that rich enough, I will follow artist such as Nicholas and leave here.
2. So, if your pocket is broken, just close 1 of your eyes and live up like 'ya blind to see anything important.
   

It's unfair, And heck knows everyone knows it's unfair. Politicians for their own races disgrace themselves. I wonder if they ever had knew what other people other than their race feels.

Anime's freak~

I've been up late for animes too much lately. My mum and my sis of coz my dad all thinks that i've gone nuts! To watch all theese "stupid" show... = =. But I think it's a good way to learn japanese, aside from JPOP songs. So, lately, i'm watching and had watched...

1. Jigoku Shoujo season 1 & 2. This was the show that made me started watching anime. Call the hell girl through hotline to hell during midnight~ scary eh~
   
2. Black Jack only season 2. A story bout a amazing doctor. Just ok. not that crazy over it.
3. Big Windup! The baseball game anime. Well, at least i learn a little bout baseball too. coz, seriously, I have no idea what is baseball. = =~ Not much outcome after watching as well~ but better than none =p~
4. The Law of Ueki.. One of my favourite-must-watch-anime! Never want to miss any episode. Although it's quite old already = =~
   
5. Chronicles of the Wings season 2. Unable to watch season 1. But it's my favourite as well.. In this anime, I like the character Kurogane. He's the man in "black" as he wears a black suit from head to toe. He's so cool and also quite quiet compared to Fay and Mokona. That's what make me like him !! In spite of his bad tempered, he's always helping much to the leading character, Syaoran and Sakura. Too bad, that's the end of Chronicles of the Wings, or Tsubasa reservoir chronicle ( in Japanese)
6. Shonen Onmyouji. Still catching the episode. Nice to watch too. I like the cute cute Mokun/Guren.
7. Fate/Stay Night. The fight of magicians in Holy Grail, with the help of servants. Still watching.~
8. Dear Boys. An anime for basketball.
   
9. Samurai X. Just started watching.
10. Ranma 1/2. Children's show. Watching it to kill some time.
11. La Cordo D'Oro Prima Passo. I was caught by the handsome characters only....= =~

It's quite hard listening to japanese audio with the malay subtitle. Seriously, It's like I have to open my ears wide up as well as my eyes. But, no hard work, no effects gain. This is one of the technique to learn a language/dialect. My cantonese is learnt by soap operas on Wah Lai Toi~ It helped me alot =)

A New Perspective

I used to hate looking into the mirror. Hated to look at my image. Felt like wanna avoid and take a detour which didn't need to pass by it. I hated my eyes. They're slanting by the sides...looked like a sleepy girl just woke up but in reality she woke up a long time ago. I hated my hair. I hated my curls. They twisted and turned until I look like a freak on the road. That's 1 of the reason I tied my hair up every time I walk the street. I bet everyone will look at this freak with this freaking hair. And I'll be embarassed like a rat! Then, i hated my face! Why is it so broad?! And my teeth. Darn! Shouldn't take off that retainers...although it smells suck!

But today, I learn to love myself. Why? Because.....I watched a motivation programme CD. And it said, you must love yourself before other ppl will love you. It's true. In reality, maybe we won't know, or realize, that actually we rely on our partners to feel that yourself is being pampered, being loved, being taken care of - Being the most special person. To feel we're special, we rely on the third party. And in fact, it should be oneself - your own self - to make you feel special in your own way. Then, someone is able to love the special you. and not vice versa.

So, after that day on, I feel the brand new me again. I start to love looking at myself more and more everyday. I love my eyes, which is big and bright. I love my curls, where other girls just possess straight dull hair. I love my face, as well as my teeth. They're not that bad after all. Instead of complaining, I show my gratitude over them. My personality, my looks, my likes, my dislikes. I am proud. Because i'm unusual in my way although common. I'm no celebrity. Not any experts. But I am ME. This fact will never change forever.

Strange dream

I had the craziest dream of my life. Perhaps I've been watching too much Jigoku Shoujo animations.

It goes like this. In this world, it seems that everyone works very hard to live. One day, a few wooden plank drop down from sky and several people took them. But that's not something good. In my family, mysteriously, my didi became my father =.=' ok, it's strange enough. And there was a lady i don't know who which was living with us. Both were one of those several people that obtained that wooden planks. They believe that if you write your names on the planks, you will sent to heaven. However they wrote their names without me and my mummy knowing.

Several days passed, on this particular day, some beautiful ferries just look so alike in those merry-go-rounds appear in the middle of the town. Those who were working knew today what day is it. Somehow, these ferries were transported home. There was 1 as well in my house. My didi and that unknown lady sat in the ferry. And the ferry started it's journey. It floats and went up the stairs. When approaching the walls, hands just like dug through walls and were "welcoming" them. I heard the lady said, "this must be a mistake!"I was there somehow, And I manage to grab my didi.. But he was fully exhausted already...almost bringing him to death. I paniced. I call to my mum, but she doesn't seem to care even though I said "it's true! He's going to die!" My mum wasn't listening. It's me alone. I dreadfully brought my didi (father) to the kitchen. I was so panic. I just don't know what to do now. I just let him go. Hell certainly won't have any water to drink. So, I quickly hand-fed him with water. My didi was going to close his eyes.... the sink was then full with washing liquid diluted with water. mum must have just wash the dishes. I was so barbaric...I drown my didi into the liquid-water. He willingly took a few mouthful of it. I withdawned him out again. He really seems tired.. I told him, with his red face and about-to-close-eyes, "Just want you to know, I love you very much..very very much, you know?" he nodded restlessly. and I continued, "And you're the youngest father anyone could had." (just ignore it ==') I carried him like a koala. The koala hug style. The hug that makes my didi sleeps. I carry him like old times. I sat on the sofa on the living room. I close my eyes while feeling the restless body resting in my arms. I just couldn't imagine it, I couldn't believe it as well. This is farewell..

The next thing I saw when I opened my eyes, were tears. But this dream has ended. It's finally the end. The end of a horrible dream... My eyes were wet and my heart was pounding hard. Truthly, this is the first sad dream that has occured to me. Until tears drop as well. The first thing I wanna do after this dream is to hear his voice...

All I want to say is, having short breaks may gave some reliefs, but when you lose something for good, that time, there's only limited memories. Don't take anything for granted in life. Always show your gratitude toward others. Be grateful.