Unfair? Just live up to it if ur a citizen of this world...

It's unfair. We all know it's unfair, arising from races and religions.

That day, when i got that result, that's the day, i felt the unfairness here. When I was younger, I always thought races could live up to each other peacefully and harmoniously, And of course, treat us as 1 person, that is the citizens of this country. But, in reality, they sided 1 race, the favored them more than the other races.

What's the reason behind it? 2 person with different race, but the privilege is given to the less qualified other than the other one just because of racism? I can't see any reason behind it. Even the history doesn't covers this "privilege", so don't tell me that I didn't study History of my own country. But this is too much! As if they were trying to erase us off the map. But remember, in history, freedom were gained with the help of the all the three races, and not just one. Why is it so unfair? Anyways, there's 2 choice to be made.

1. Leave this country anyways. It's not about patriotism towards the country. but the politics are giving hecks to the citizens. Just learn those who went to Taiwan or other countries without having the need to bother coming back here. If I were that rich enough, I will follow artist such as Nicholas and leave here.
2. So, if your pocket is broken, just close 1 of your eyes and live up like 'ya blind to see anything important.
   

It's unfair, And heck knows everyone knows it's unfair. Politicians for their own races disgrace themselves. I wonder if they ever had knew what other people other than their race feels.

Anime's freak~

I've been up late for animes too much lately. My mum and my sis of coz my dad all thinks that i've gone nuts! To watch all theese "stupid" show... = =. But I think it's a good way to learn japanese, aside from JPOP songs. So, lately, i'm watching and had watched...

1. Jigoku Shoujo season 1 & 2. This was the show that made me started watching anime. Call the hell girl through hotline to hell during midnight~ scary eh~
   
2. Black Jack only season 2. A story bout a amazing doctor. Just ok. not that crazy over it.
3. Big Windup! The baseball game anime. Well, at least i learn a little bout baseball too. coz, seriously, I have no idea what is baseball. = =~ Not much outcome after watching as well~ but better than none =p~
4. The Law of Ueki.. One of my favourite-must-watch-anime! Never want to miss any episode. Although it's quite old already = =~
   
5. Chronicles of the Wings season 2. Unable to watch season 1. But it's my favourite as well.. In this anime, I like the character Kurogane. He's the man in "black" as he wears a black suit from head to toe. He's so cool and also quite quiet compared to Fay and Mokona. That's what make me like him !! In spite of his bad tempered, he's always helping much to the leading character, Syaoran and Sakura. Too bad, that's the end of Chronicles of the Wings, or Tsubasa reservoir chronicle ( in Japanese)
6. Shonen Onmyouji. Still catching the episode. Nice to watch too. I like the cute cute Mokun/Guren.
7. Fate/Stay Night. The fight of magicians in Holy Grail, with the help of servants. Still watching.~
8. Dear Boys. An anime for basketball.
   
9. Samurai X. Just started watching.
10. Ranma 1/2. Children's show. Watching it to kill some time.
11. La Cordo D'Oro Prima Passo. I was caught by the handsome characters only....= =~

It's quite hard listening to japanese audio with the malay subtitle. Seriously, It's like I have to open my ears wide up as well as my eyes. But, no hard work, no effects gain. This is one of the technique to learn a language/dialect. My cantonese is learnt by soap operas on Wah Lai Toi~ It helped me alot =)

A New Perspective

I used to hate looking into the mirror. Hated to look at my image. Felt like wanna avoid and take a detour which didn't need to pass by it. I hated my eyes. They're slanting by the sides...looked like a sleepy girl just woke up but in reality she woke up a long time ago. I hated my hair. I hated my curls. They twisted and turned until I look like a freak on the road. That's 1 of the reason I tied my hair up every time I walk the street. I bet everyone will look at this freak with this freaking hair. And I'll be embarassed like a rat! Then, i hated my face! Why is it so broad?! And my teeth. Darn! Shouldn't take off that retainers...although it smells suck!

But today, I learn to love myself. Why? Because.....I watched a motivation programme CD. And it said, you must love yourself before other ppl will love you. It's true. In reality, maybe we won't know, or realize, that actually we rely on our partners to feel that yourself is being pampered, being loved, being taken care of - Being the most special person. To feel we're special, we rely on the third party. And in fact, it should be oneself - your own self - to make you feel special in your own way. Then, someone is able to love the special you. and not vice versa.

So, after that day on, I feel the brand new me again. I start to love looking at myself more and more everyday. I love my eyes, which is big and bright. I love my curls, where other girls just possess straight dull hair. I love my face, as well as my teeth. They're not that bad after all. Instead of complaining, I show my gratitude over them. My personality, my looks, my likes, my dislikes. I am proud. Because i'm unusual in my way although common. I'm no celebrity. Not any experts. But I am ME. This fact will never change forever.

Strange dream

I had the craziest dream of my life. Perhaps I've been watching too much Jigoku Shoujo animations.

It goes like this. In this world, it seems that everyone works very hard to live. One day, a few wooden plank drop down from sky and several people took them. But that's not something good. In my family, mysteriously, my didi became my father =.=' ok, it's strange enough. And there was a lady i don't know who which was living with us. Both were one of those several people that obtained that wooden planks. They believe that if you write your names on the planks, you will sent to heaven. However they wrote their names without me and my mummy knowing.

Several days passed, on this particular day, some beautiful ferries just look so alike in those merry-go-rounds appear in the middle of the town. Those who were working knew today what day is it. Somehow, these ferries were transported home. There was 1 as well in my house. My didi and that unknown lady sat in the ferry. And the ferry started it's journey. It floats and went up the stairs. When approaching the walls, hands just like dug through walls and were "welcoming" them. I heard the lady said, "this must be a mistake!"I was there somehow, And I manage to grab my didi.. But he was fully exhausted already...almost bringing him to death. I paniced. I call to my mum, but she doesn't seem to care even though I said "it's true! He's going to die!" My mum wasn't listening. It's me alone. I dreadfully brought my didi (father) to the kitchen. I was so panic. I just don't know what to do now. I just let him go. Hell certainly won't have any water to drink. So, I quickly hand-fed him with water. My didi was going to close his eyes.... the sink was then full with washing liquid diluted with water. mum must have just wash the dishes. I was so barbaric...I drown my didi into the liquid-water. He willingly took a few mouthful of it. I withdawned him out again. He really seems tired.. I told him, with his red face and about-to-close-eyes, "Just want you to know, I love you very much..very very much, you know?" he nodded restlessly. and I continued, "And you're the youngest father anyone could had." (just ignore it ==') I carried him like a koala. The koala hug style. The hug that makes my didi sleeps. I carry him like old times. I sat on the sofa on the living room. I close my eyes while feeling the restless body resting in my arms. I just couldn't imagine it, I couldn't believe it as well. This is farewell..

The next thing I saw when I opened my eyes, were tears. But this dream has ended. It's finally the end. The end of a horrible dream... My eyes were wet and my heart was pounding hard. Truthly, this is the first sad dream that has occured to me. Until tears drop as well. The first thing I wanna do after this dream is to hear his voice...

All I want to say is, having short breaks may gave some reliefs, but when you lose something for good, that time, there's only limited memories. Don't take anything for granted in life. Always show your gratitude toward others. Be grateful.

Annoyed...

So I'm all alone in the house. And I'm very very very annoyed by this freaking Anwar!!!! Can somebody ask him to stop messaging me? I mean, we're from different channel. I just can't change my channel - my language. How does he can expect me to sms in Malay? I'm sorry. But I'm just not having fun chatting like that. 1 more thing. Please stop miss calling me midnight? haiz... no.1 It so rude that he misscall like that. no.2 My mum's starting to suspect me of having a boyfriend since got once she answered his line. And I'll be in deep trouble. no.3 He's not the one i'm waiting for to misscall me or sms me. If "he" does do that, I won't mind letting him disturb me =D~ But anyways~ It's just a false dream~

A typical Love Story あいしてる～ねがいよ

It started when I first entered class. It didn't bring me any notice for him. I came across feelings for the other guy. But, I was in the same group with him before... I didn't know anything unusual.. I remember at the very end of the class, he made me laugh...well, as well as the whole class.. I can still remember that moment. He sweats me out! That was the end of the first class... But as soon as I knew it, darn! We're in the same class AGAIN!

Second class started almost the last week of National Service. Why? Why on earth it's both two again?? There's 3 guys from the same class before. And 2 of them which....frust me out here! The guy i had a crush on and a guy that had a crush on me! haha... Guess which "he" i'm referring here. ...The latter "he"... I didn't notice him before that, that's for sure. Come to think bout it, it started when I told the class that I don't have a boyfren. That's when it started. He came across diff stuff the catch my attention. He keeps looking at me, I just panic look away. He "jokingly" gave me things and say things....which is hard for me to describe =.='... he asked me to miss call him 1 day. So I did, when I took back my phone. when this class ends, he walked me all the way to that junction. We may not speak again. But it proves wrong.. I took the insitaive to message him....but.

...But even then, there's doubts.. I mean, no.1 why he's so shy when he's with me only? In front of his friends, he can be so open, he can give me things, he can talk things to me...but with me, he keeps them to himself. I don't understand either. no.2 I was the one who's taking insiative. I was the first to pick up the phone and message him when something stupid topic came across my mind or what.. maybe he's playing expensive..? for some times, I felt that... Am I interrupting him? Am I a frustration to him? Am I disturbing his life? Well, it's still a doubt.. but one day, he was like so angry so frust at something or maybe even me when i spoke to him. I was.. scared... we didn't spoke after that for about 2 weeks. And later 1 day he spoke to me 1 midnight. But I was scared. I don't want him to hate me. I cut off the conversation after a short while. We chould cool off awhile. Weeks have been passed. just like that. just like that.. probably he has some work to do... I seldom see him on again.

But i really wish things would work out between us. It's the first time I felt like this. Or maybe it's just a sweet dream? Or just a 3-month contract. I don't know. I don't wanna know if it's like that...

Lif3 in NS (1)

28/12/08 - 0948 - DAY1

The activities haven't started yet and it's getting boring! At least there CHKL student with me.. =)

I met some people there...

• Huey Lin
• Steffie
• Lai Kwan
• Hui Jing
• Nadia
• Mira

I haven't got a chance to talk to an Indian for now..It's not easy to chat with a malays either.. They talk very fast and it's hard to understand. Today is a Sunday...and we can carry out our own activities..which is chatting and sleeping(not for me) Food here is HARD TO STAND! There's chilli in every meal...But...Others still ok la.. HAiz.. I missed home...oh god! A batch of johorians will be arriving this evening and boys are gonna shave to skin heads... hahahazz..~ But seriously...BORING!

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29/12/08 - XXxx - DAY2

闷死了...时间？没闹钟就是酱啦！都说要带闹钟，可是妈妈说不需要。 Now, I've lost track of time and "day" and "night" are the only 2 words that can be used to describe time... We got our clothes today..But, tons of them needed to be changed.. They demo how our place should be kept..Darn! I don't know what to say! I just prefer having it my own way..

Once again,no no wrong...supposed to be today............well, lights are down now..sleeping time..tomorrow there's stuff to doearly in the morning...to be continue...

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30/12 - XXxx - DAY3

As i was saying, yesterday...i went to the shop nearby to buy this botebook and some hangers...A guy known as CC Wai... took the last hangers when i "almost" got my hands towards it..my friends ask me,,why aren't i taking any hangers? i accidentally blurted out...he took the last hangers... and he gave it to me then.. I was..quite regretted bout my actions...Roll call yesterday... he was glancing towards me with his friends...I THINK that they're talking bout me...Haiz....=='

Friends...haiz...i have no idea why it's hard for me to keep friendships...maybe it's because i'm a bore person..I don't seemed to be important...Like i said i wanna to go the public phone to call, they didn't even wait for me at all.. T.T

Anyways, today morning, I was awaken by someone's alarm clock, which is a good thing becasue i was afraid i can't wake up at all.. During KKJ...we need to design a flag and a I-dunno-what-is-that-thing-called and a song.. Boring! felt like calling back hopme and hear that sei zai bao's voice...missed him T.T~

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31/12 - XXxx - DAY5

KKJ period, we get to interact with boys..first time...and we knew some guys...Kevin..Wei Yang..Daniel...Tan...but they have already shaved their heads....which makes them botak...and hard to regconize...lolx~

IN the morning, we gather at the padang for bla bla bla...i dunno what..Mira suddenly asked e to ikrar without earlier notice..haiz..so fish... the jurulatih said i didn't pay attention...By right, I can't even see them white they're doing yesterday...Darn..It's like bullying girls...zzz...

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1,2,3,4/1/09 - XXxx - DAY6,7,8,9

Ah gong passed away on the last day of 2008 time 3pm+...It seems that he passed away peacefully without any torture.. The monk asks us not to cry....

I was shock when my name was called...I've been told to go to the pejabat..I was shock to see my mum and sis there....Then they told me that ah gong passed away...And i must attend the funeral...

When we reached there, family members were chanting.....for the sake Ah gong will reach heaven safely.......the chant must went on until the day he's cremate...

I remembered...During the cremation...It was so sad to stand the whole family's tears...We had to let them out...so did i.....When the scene of pushing ur ancestors into the burning fire.......no more chances to see him again.......

I got back home to KL they day he's been cremated..I stayed 1 more night there.. Tomorrow I had to go back to camp for NS...I will be missing the picking up ah gong's ashes ceremony....

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5/1 - XXxx - Day10

went back to camp today...

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6/1/09 - 1335 - DAY11

Today morning, we gathered at the padang as followed..Cikgu Ain put on some music and we danced...fun~ haha....

I heard an angry thing today...somebody actually had a gf but ask another in camp for her handphone number...SWT! I hate this kinda guy!

Today..my first time in class...Mizi...same class as me.. do the V^^ look at me... I have no idea what's he doing..and I don't know how to react....I just ignored him...wakakkaa...then there's Raja..A funny guy which keep making fun od Cikgu Wan...

Luckily there's soem1 with me from the same dorm..her name is Zila..And I was in the same group as her,Mizi, Raja, Natasha, Sam, Khairul, Ika, Dayah..

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